Reading New Moon Bella and The Cullen's
by SecretWriter010
Summary: Bella recieve a package. In it are four books. She and the Cullens read it and get the answer to question they have and a chance to change this and do them right. But will they.
1. Chapter 1

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THIS THE WRITER OF THIS IS STEPHENIE MEYER. **_

BPOV :

I was so tried. Ugh! Alice was driving me up a wall. Here it is two o'clock in the afternoon and she has me at the mall. She been buying me cloths that is going to last me this life and the next. Ugh!

"Alice can we please go home I'm tried." I begged for the hundred time.

"Were almost done and then we can leave." She said for the hundredth time.

I wonder aimlessly around the mall leaving Alice to do her shopping. This summer had been the best of my life. I was in love with the best man ever. I had my personal angel. Edward had been the best he took me to our meadow everyday of the summer. We've even done movies and dinner even though he had doesn't eat. I was happy well kind of. This past two weeks he's been acting very weird he's been very pensive.

I asked Alice what it was about and she said nothing, but I know something's up . I was so lost in thought I didn't see someone standing in my way until I walk right into them. Or him. I look up to see Edward standing right in front of me.

"Hey what are you doing here. I though you were out hunting." I asked him. Today Edward had decide that he would go on a hunting trip with Em and Jasper and leave me to fin for myself with Alice.

He gave one of his famous crooked smiles and said " I though I come back early and save you from Alice." I laugh and through myself to him I hugged him tight and I got this weird feeling like if I let go he'd be gone. I clung to him and sucked in a breath. He pulled me away and when I looked into his eyes I saw that he was worried.

"Bella are you ok. What's wrong." He asked me frantic.

"I'm fine it just been along day." I answer him hoping he would drop it. When he looked like he was going to continue asking Alice shows up and saves me again.

"Ok let's go. By the way your moms about to call." Alice stated

We weren't even near the car when my cell phone ring. I let ring well I buckled in and Edward and Alice got in then I picked it up.

"Hey Mom how are you?" I asked

"I'm doing fine Bella. How about you having fun Charlie told me you were at the Cullen's again today." She said her tone was weird.

"Yeah well, all the Cullen guys went camping so Alice invited me over and right now were leaving the mall." I said

"Oh," there was a weird pause then she continued, "So Edward isn't their, your dad said you were spending the night." She asked I still had no idea what she meant.

"Yeah I am . Actually this week I'm spend at the Cullen's as a goodbye summer thing and all." I said

"Oh…..Bella are you being safe?" She asked me out of the blue.

"Off course mom no more windows or stairs without supervision." I said but Edwards grip on the steering wheel tighten at my comment.

Alice started giggling and then Renée said "No I mean are you on the pill." I think if I invented a new shade of red at that question.

"Mom. Seriously." I said. Of all the things to ask.

" Look Bella your still young I don't think your ready to be a mother. You have to be safe you wouldn't want a slip or to make a mistake." At that comment their was a gasp in the car and on the phone.

So she was saying I was a mistake isn't she just the best I could feel the tears brim my eyes. I sucked in a breath.

"I get in Renee you didn't want me but if I was doing that and I were to have a baby it be mine to deal with. It wouldn't be a mistake it would be … I would deal with what ever came. So if you have anything else to say now say it because I have to go." I stated I was mad and hurt.

"Bella I didn't mean it that way," she paused as if looking for words then she said "I sent you a package that you received here. It should be their it said urgent." She said

I wonder what it was and how did it end up in Florida.

"Thanks. Bye." I said and hung up.

"You ok love." Edward asked me

"I'm fine. You think we could stop bye my house before we head to yours I want see if the package is their." I asked before he could answer Alice spoke

"Sure. I want see what it is." She said

"Shouldn't you know you are the walking crystal ball." I said

She stuck her tongue at me and five minutes later we were at my house. I step out to see a book on my porch.

"I'll get it love." Edward said and in a flash he was back and driving again. Nobody said anything. It was eerie quiet I kept thinking of everything Renee said how a 'mistake would happen' and to 'be careful.' I was just hurt she didn't want me I was a mistake. I was brought out of my thoughts by Edward speaking.

" Were here. I guess you can find out what's in the box." He said trying to change my thoughts that were unknown to him, but he still knew some thing was wrong.

"Yeah." I nodded and walk into his house to find everyone in the living room.

Emmett run to me and picked me up in to a bear hug and said

"Hey there baby sister. Who ran over your puppy." He asked playing but with some seriousness. I smile and shook my head.

Carlisle spoke.

"What's that box Edward." He asked Curiosity evident in his voice.

"It's mine. Renee sent it to me he said I got it at her address." I answer as Edward place the box on the living room table. I opened the box and pulled out an envelope.

"To: The Cullen's and Bella," I read it out loud and opened it to find a letter

"Dear Bella and Cullen's,

I know it weird to get a letter and a package from strange and I wish you could've gotten it faster, but I couldn't get it done until now. Inside you'll find four books Twilight , New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn. These books are very important you have to read them together. You have a chance to change the events that will occur. Please fix it to many suffer because of one stupid decision. Read it in this order Twilight which all ready happen so its only a summary and a couple of key lines. Then read New Moon, Eclipse , and Breaking Dawn.

Stephenie Meyer." I finish reading it aloud.

I sat their shocked. I was books on book of what would come to be. So that things could change.

"We should read them they can probably answer question we al have." I was Alice who said this and I looked at her oddly didn't she already know what's in the books what was going to happen.

"No, I don't I can't see it." She answered.

"Yeah lets read come on." Emmet said handing me twilight which was only a couple of pages. He sat next to Rosalie and I sat next to Edward Alice next to Jasper and Esme next to Carlisle. And I prepared to read.


	2. Chapter 2

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THIS THE WRITER OF THIS IS STEPHENIE MEYER & a summary website. **_

BPOV :

I open twilight and readied.

_**I'd never given much thought to how I would die — though I'd had reason enough in the last few months — but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this. I stared without breathing across the long room, into the dark eyes of the hunter, and he looked pleasantly back at me. Surely it was a good way to die, in the place of someone else, someone I loved. Noble, even. That ought to count for something. I knew that if I'd never gone to Forks, I wouldn't be facing death now. But, terrified as I was, I couldn't bring myself to regret the decision. When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end. The hunter smiled in a friendly way as he sauntered forward to kill me."**_

I paused as I felt Edward tense next to me. I rubbed his arm and said "It's over this already happened." He nodded but didn't say anything. When I looked up I caught Rosalies eyes she looked at me weird like she was perplexed. She didn't understand.

I was going to ask when Alice said "Keep reading."

So I continued

"_**How could I leave my loving, erratic, harebrained mother to fend for herself? Of course she had Phil now, so the bills would probably get paid, there would be food in the refrigerator, gas in her car, and someone to call when she got lost, but still… "I want to go," I lied. I'd always been a bad liar, but I'd been saying this lie so frequently lately that it sounded almost convincing now. **_

_**"Tell Charlie I said hi." **_

_**"I will." **_

_**"I'll see you soon," she insisted. "You can come home whenever you want — I'll come right back as soon as you need me." **_

_**But I could see the sacrifice in her eyes behind the promise. **_

_**"Don't worry about me," I urged. "It'll be great. I love you, Mom." **_

_**She hugged me tightly for a minute, and then I got on the plane, and she was gone. **_

I remembered that day so clearly. I didn't dwel and I keep going.

"_**It's a four-hour flight from Phoenix to Seattle, another hour in a small plane up to Port Angeles, and then an hour drive back down to Forks. Flying doesn't bother me; the hour in the car with Charlie, though, I was a little worried about. Charlie had really been fairly nice about the whole thing. He seemed genuinely pleased that I was coming to live with him for the first time with any degree of permanence. He'd already gotten me registered for high school and was going to help me get a car. But it was sure to be awkward with Charlie. Neither of us was what anyone would call verbose, and I didn't know what there was to say regardless. I knew he was more than a little confused by my decision — like my mother before me, I hadn't made a secret of my distaste for Forks. When I landed in Port Angeles, it was raining. I didn't see it as an omen — just unavoidable. I'd already said my goodbyes to the sun. "**_

"Honey is your realationship with Charlie that bad." Esme asked with quenuine concern.

I smiled and said " Well, its gotten better. Charlie and I are a lot a like so its hard for us to talk. But its gotten better." She nodded and I keep going.

"Oh hey it turns to third person point of view and their in pionts." I said and continued

"_**the dark blue van [...] was skidding, tires locked and squealing against the breaks, spinning wildly across the ice of the parking lot. It was going to hit the back corner of my truck, and I was standing between them. I didn't even have time to close my eyes.**_** (3.15) **

_**Two long, white hands shot out protectively in front of me, and the van shuddered to a stop a foot from my face, the large hands fitting providentially into a deep dent in the side of the van's body.**_** (3.17) **

_**"I heard you say you were going to Seattle that day, and I was wondering if you want a ride.""What?" I wasn't sure what [Edward] was getting at.**_

_**"Do you want a ride to Seattle?""With who?" I asked, mystified."Myself, obviously." He enunciated every syllable, as if he were talking to someone mentally handicapped.**_** (4.148-153) **_**"I said it would be better if we weren't friends, not that I didn't want to be. [...] But I'm tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella."**_** (4.162, 164)**

_**"What if I'm not a superhero? What if I'm the bad guy?" [Edward] smiled playfully, but his eyes were impenetrable.[...] "You're dangerous?" I guessed, my pulse quickening as I intuitively realized the truth of my own words. He was dangerous. He'd been trying to tell me all along. [...] "But not bad," I whispered, shaking my head. "No, I don't believe that you're bad.""You're wrong." His voice was almost inaudible.**_** (5.109, 112, 114-115) **

_**"Will you do something for me this weekend?" He turned to look me straight in the face, utilizing the full power of his burning golden eyes. [...] **_

_**"Don't be offended, but you seem to be one of those people who just attract accidents like a magnet. So...try not to fall into the ocean or get run over by anything, alright?" He smiled crookedly.**_** (5.311, 313)**

_**"The cold ones are traditionally [the Quileutes'] enemies. But this pack [of cold ones] that came to our territory during my great-grandfather's time was different. They didn't hunt the way others of their kind did – they weren't supposed to be dangerous to the tribe. So my great-grandfather made a truce with them. If they would promise to stay off our lands, we wouldn't expose them to the pale-faces."[…]I tried to keep my tone casual. "So how does it fit in with the Cullens? Are they like the cold ones your great-grandfather met?"No." [Jacob] paused dramatically. "They are the**_** same **_**ones."**_** (6.117, 122-123) So what are these cold ones? Jacob explains, "Blood drinkers […]. Your people call them vampires" (6.128**

**Just as Bella is trying to remember self-defense techniques ("heel of the hand thrust upward, hopefully breaking the nose or shoving into the brain"**

**[8.55]), a shiny, silver Volvo comes around the corner driving right at her. **_**But the silver car unexpectedly fishtailed around, skidding to a stop with the passenger door open just a few feet from me."Get in," a furious voice was amazing how instantaneously the choking fear vanished, amazing how suddenly the feeling of security washed over me […] as soon as I heard his voice.**_** (8.56-58) **_**"I followed you to Port Angeles," he admitted, speaking in a rush. "I've never tried to keep a specific person alive before, and it's much more troublesome than I would have believed. But that's probably just because it's you. Ordinary people seem to make it through the day without catastrophes. […] I was keeping tabs on Jessica [reading her mind][…] and at first I didn't notice when you took off on your own.**_** (8.213, 224) **

**Edward found Bella when he heard what her attackers were thinking: **_**"It was very…hard – you can't imagine how hard – for me to simply take you away, and leave them…alive."**_** (8.228) **

At that statement Rose eyes shot up and she said "You were about to be attack." I nodded and continued

_**"And did that convince you?" [Edward's] voice sounded barely interested. But his hands were clamped hard onto the steering wheel.[...] "I decided it didn't matter," I whispered."It didn't matter?" His tone made me look up – I had finally broken through his carefully composed mask. His face was incredulous, with just a hint of the anger I'd feared. [...] A hard, mocking edge entered his voice. "You don't care if I'm a monster? If I'm not human?"**_** (9.69, 72, 75)**

"She tells you she dosent are what we are and you get mad. I swear only you Edward." Rosalie huffed.

**Using his little mind-reading trick, he warns Bella that Jessica is about to jump on her with a bunch of questions: **

**Bella heads inside and Jessica accosts her with questions. Bella admits to her friend that she likes Edward "too much [...]. More than he likes me" (10.109).**

**Bella thinks about what Edward was saying earlier: **_**He wants me to be safe, I told myself again and again. I would just hold on to the faith that, in the end, that desire would win out over the others. And what was my other choice – to cut him out of my life? Intolerable. Besides, since I'd come to Forks, it really seemed like my life was about a tiny voice in the back of my mind worried, wondering if it would hurt very much...if it ended badly.**_** (12.177-178)"**

I pause a little and Esme spoke "Honey why don't I get you some water." I nodd. Esme was back in a second and handed it to me. I drank and continued


	3. Chapter 3

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THIS THE WRITER OF THIS IS STEPHENIE MEYER & a summary website. **_

BPOV :

I continued reading.

"**Edward gets mad when he finds out that no one knows that they are together: **_**"You said it might cause trouble for you...us being together publicly," I reminded him."So you're worried about the trouble it might cause me – if you don't come home?" His voice was still angry, and bitingly sarcastic.**_** (12.223-224)**

**Edward and Bella reach their destination – a sunny meadow in the woods. Bella sees Edward in the sun for the first time**

_**I sat without moving, more frightened of him than I had ever been. I'd never seen him so completely freed of that carefully cultivated façade. He'd never been less human...or more beautiful.**_** (13.38) **

**But now Edward assures Bella again that he would never hurt her****: **_**"You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever" (13.124). **_**Bella feels the same way: **_**"I'm here...which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you" (13.126).**_

**Edward invites Bella to come over to his house and meet his family. He's also hoping that she'll soon introduce him to Charlie...as her boyfriend.**

**Bella gets Carlisle's full story from Edward**

**Alice and Jasper stop by. Alice says there's going to be storm tonight, so they're going to be playing baseball.**

**Bella watches from the sidelines, along with Esme, who acts as the referee.**

_**"I'm sorry, Bella," he muttered fiercely. "It was stupid, irresponsible, to expose you like this. I'm so sorry. "I heard his breath stop, and his eyes zeroed in on right field. He took a half step, angling himself between me and what was coming.**_** (17.342-343)**

**All of a sudden, James gets a whiff of Bella. No one had mentioned that she was human.**

**In the car, Edward is determined to get Bella out of Forks as quickly as possible, saying, "I saw his mind. Tracking is [James's] passion, his obsession – he wants [Bella], Alice – **_**her**_** specifically. He begins the hunt tonight" (18.69).**

**Bella hatches a plan to lead James away from her father:**_**"You take me back [to Charlie's house]. I tell my dad I want to go home to Phoenix. I pack my bags. We wait till this tracker is watching, and then we run. He'll follow us and leave Charlie alone. Charlie won't call the FBI on your family."**_** (18.96) **

**After leaving Charlie's house, Alice and Jasper will take Bella to Phoenix, while Edward leads James on a wild-goose chase in the opposite direction.**

_**He caught me up in his iron grip, crushing me to him. He seemed unaware of his watching family and he pulled my face to his, lifting my feet off the floor. For the shortest second, his lips were icy and hard against mine. Then it was over. He set me down, still holding my face, his glorious eyes burning into mine.**_** (19.147) Edward leaves, and Bella sets off with Jasper and Alice.**

**To pass the time, Bella asks Alice how humans transform into vampires. Alice tells her, even though she's sure that Edward will be "**_**extremely**_** angry" (20.76). Vampires are venomous – if they bite someone but don't killing him or her, the venom will spread through the victim's body and eventually turn the person into a vampire. The process is long and painful.**

**. When she gets off the phone, Bella pretends that she was speaking with her mother. Bella sits down to write a letter to Edward, explaining her decision to go meet James. She adds:**_**And please, please don't come after [James]. That's what he wants, I think. I can't bear it if anyone has to be hurt because of me, especially you. Please, this is the only thing I can ask you now. For me.**_** (21.91). **

**Bella asks how Alice's visions work, and she responds:**_**"Some things are more certain than others…like the weather. People are harder. I only see the course they're on while they're on it. Once they change their minds – make a new decision, no matter how small – the whole future shifts."**_

**James begins speaking casually with Bella:**_**"I suppose you're going to tell me that your boyfriend will avenge you?" he asked, hopefully it seemed to me."No, I don't think so. At least, I asked him not to." **_**(22.102-103) **_**"I'm sorry, but I just don't think he'll be able to resist hunting me after he watches this. And I wouldn't want him to miss anything. It was all for him, of course. You're simply a human, who unfortunately was in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and indisputably running with the wrong crowd, I might add."**_** (22.117) As it turns out, James had hunted another human in a situation similar to Bella. This was the only human that ever escaped James:**_**"You see, the vampire who was so stupidly fond of this little victim made the choice your Edward was too weak to make. When the old one knew I was after his little friend, he stole her from the asylum where he worked […] and as soon as he freed her he made her safe. […] The old vampire made her a strong new vampire, and there was no reason for me to touch her then." He sighed. "I destroyed the old one in vengeance."**_** (22.121) **

**Bella immediately realizes that James is speaking of Alice Cullen**

**James smashes Bella against a mirror Bella passes out.**

**Bella from transforming into a vampire: he can suck the venom-infected blood out of her body.**_**"Carlisle, I…" Edward hesitated. "I don't know if I can do that." There was agony in his beautiful voice again."It's your decision, Edward, either way. I can't help you. I have to get this bleeding stopped here if you're going to be taking blood from her hand."**_** (23.45-46) **

**Bella tries not to let her mom know how much she likes Edward, but Renée says, "I think that boy is in love with you" (24.118). Bella agrees, but says that she only has a "crush" on Edward. When Renée leaves, Edward implies that it might be better if he and Bella weren't together. Bella flips out:**_**[Bella:] "Are you tired of having to save me all the time? Do you want me to go away?""No, I don't want to be without you, Bella, of course not. Be rational. And I have no problem with saving you, either – if it weren't for the fact that I was the one putting you in danger…that I'm the reason you're here."**_** (24.175-176) **

**Edward has not changed his mind – he refuses to transform her into a vampire. **_**"Bella." His fingers lightly traced the shape of my lips. "I **_**will**_** stay with you – isn't that enough?"I smiled under his fingertips. "Enough for now."**_** (Epilogue.207-208) **

"Well, that the end. So its just a summary of the events." I said and flip the book to close when a note fell. Edward handed it to me and I read it.

"_Dear Bella and Cullen's_

_Theirs a reason why 'Twilight' was just a summary and that's because it already happen. Its what leads to the following events._

_Stephenie Meyer."_

"So now we read New Moon. " Alice said as she handed it to me and continued, "You start of reading and well pick up when you get tired." I nodded and got the book it was huge.


	4. Chapter 4

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THIS THE WRITER OF THIS IS STEPHENIE MEYER & a summary website. **_

BPOV

I opened the book and started reading.

"_**PREFACE**_

_**I FELT LIKE I WAS TRAPPED IN ONE OF THOSE TERRIFYING**_

_**nightmares, the one where you have to run, run till your lungs burst, but you can't make your body move fast enough. My legs seemed to move slower and slower as I fought my way through the callous crowd, but the hands on the huge clock tower didn't slow. With relentless, uncaring force, they turned inexorably toward the end—the end of everything. **_

"It sound like what your running to is not going to make it." Emmett said and earned a smack from Rosalie.

_**But this was no dream, and, unlike the nightmare, I wasn't running for my life; I**_

_**was racing to save something infinitely more precious. My own life meant little to me today. Alice had said there was a good chance we would both die here. Perhaps the outcome would be different if she weren't trapped by the brilliant sunlight; only I was free to run across this bright, crowded square. And I couldn't run fast enough. So it didn't matter to me that we were surrounded by our extraordinarily dangerous enemies. As the clock began to toll out the hour, vibrating under the soles of my sluggish feet, I knew I was too late—and I was glad something bloodthirsty waited in the wings. For in failing at this, I forfeited any desire to live. The clock tolled again, and the sun beat down from the exact center point of the sky."**_

"I really don't like the sound of that." Edward said and everyone nodded. I didn't understand what was going on but I knew that I would if I continued so I did.


	5. Chapter 5

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THIS THE WRITER OF THIS IS STEPHENIE MEYER & a summary website. **_

BPOV

I continued reading

"_**1. PARTY**_

_**I WAS NINETY-NINE POINT NINE PERCENT SURE I WAS dreaming.**_

_**The reasons I was so certain were that, first, I was standing in a bright shaft of sunlight—the kind of blinding clear sun that never shone on my drizzly new hometown in Forks, Washington—and second, I was looking at my Grandma Marie. Gran had been dead for six years now, so that was solid evidence toward the dream theory. Gran hadn't changed much; her face looked just the same as I remembered it. The skin was soft and withered, bent into a thousand tiny creases that clung gently to**_

_**the bone underneath. Like a dried apricot, but with a puff of thick white hair standing out in a cloud around it. Our mouths—hers a wizened picker—spread into the same surprised half-smile at just the same time. Apparently, she hadn't been expecting to see me, either. I was about to ask her a question; I had so many—What was she doing here in my dream? What had she been up to in the past six years? Was Pop okay, and had**_

_**they found each other, wherever they were?—but she opened her mouth when I did, so I stopped to let her go first. She paused, too, and then we both smiled at the little awkwardness.**_

"That's really weird." I murmured. And continued to read.

_**"Bella!" It wasn't Gran who called my name, and we both turned to see the addition to our small reunion. I didn't have to look to know who it was; this was a voice I would know anywhere—know, and respond to, whether I was awake or asleep… or even dead, I'd bet. The voice I'd walk through fire for—or, less dramatically, slosh every day through the cold and endless rain for. Edward. Even though I was always thrilled to see him—conscious or otherwise—and even though I was almost positive that I was dreaming, I panicked as Edward walked toward us through the glaring sunlight.**_

_**I panicked because Gran didn't know that I was in love with a vampire—nobody knew that—so how was I supposed to explain the fact that the brilliant sunbeams were shattering off his skin into a thousand rainbow shards like he was made of crystal or diamond? Well, Gran, yon might have noticed that my boyfriend glitters. It's just something he does in the sun. Don't worry about it…What was he doing? The whole reason he lived in Forks, the rainiest place in the world, was so that he could be outside in the daytime without exposing his family's secret. Yet here he was, strolling gracefully toward me—with the most beautiful smile on his angel's face—as if I were the only one here. In that second, I wished that I was not the one exception to his mysterious talent; I usually felt grateful that I was the only person whose thoughts he couldn't hear just as clearly as if they were spoken aloud. But now I wished he could hear me, too, so that he could hear the warning I was screaming in my head. I shot a panicked glance back at Gran, and saw that it was too late. She was just turning to stare back at me, her eyes as alarmed as mine. Edward—still smiling so beautifully that my heart felt like it was going to swell**_

_**up and burst through my chest—put his arm around my shoulder and turned to face my grandmother. Gran's expression surprised me. Instead of looking horrified, she was staring at me sheepishly, as if waiting for a scolding. And she was standing in such a strange position—one arm held awkwardly away from her body, stretched out and then curled around the air. Like she had her arm around someone I couldn't see, someone invisible… Only then, as I looked at the bigger picture, did I notice the huge gilt frame that enclosed my grandmother's form. Uncomprehending, I raised the hand that wasn't wrapped around Edward's waist and reached out to touch her. She mimicked the movement exactly, mirrored it. But where our fingers should have met, there was nothing but cold glass…**_

_**With a dizzying jolt, my dream abruptly became a nightmare. There was no Gran. That was me. Me in a mirror. Me—ancient, creased, and withered.**_

_**Edward stood beside me, casting no reflection, excruciatingly lovely and forever seventeen."**_

I stop reading and took a breath. I was dreaming of ageing and here in this room right now I sat with people who didn't at all. I took a breath and continued….

"_**He pressed his icy, perfect lips against my wasted cheek.**_

_**"Happy birthday," he whispered.**_

My worst nightmare getting older and here I sat in a room with vampires ugh!

_**I woke with a start—my eyelids popping open wide—and gasped. Dull gray**_

_**light, the familiar light of an overcast morning, took the place of the blinding sun in my dream. Just a dream, I told myself. It was only a dream. I took a deep breath, and then jumped again when my alarm went off. The little calendar in the corner of the clock's display informed me that today was September thirteenth. Only a dream, but prophetic enough in one way, at least. Today was my birthday. I was officially eighteen years old.**_

_**I'd been dreading this day for months. All through the perfect summer—the happiest summer I had ever had, the happiest summer anyone anywhere had ever had, and the rainiest summer in the history of the Olympic Peninsula—this bleak date had lurked in ambush, waiting**_

_**to spring. And now that it had hit, it was even worse than I'd feared it would be. I could feel it—I was older. Every day I got older, but this was different, worse, quantifiable. I was eighteen. And Edward never would be.**_

_**When I went to brush my teeth, I was almost surprised that the face in the mirror hadn't changed. I stared at myself, looking for some sign of impending wrinkles in my ivory skin. The only creases were the ones on my forehead, though, and I knew that if I could manage to relax, they would disappear. I couldn't. My eyebrows stayed lodged in a worried line over my anxious brown eyes. It was just a dream, I reminded myself again. Just a dream… but also my worst nightmare. I skipped breakfast, in a hurry to get out of the house as quickly as possible. I wasn't entirely able to avoid my dad, and so I had to spend a few minutes acting cheerful. I honestly tried to be excited about the gifts I'd asked him not to get me,**_

_**but every time I had to smile, it felt like I might start crying. I struggled to get a grip on myself as I drove to school. The vision of Gran—I would not think of it as me—was hard to get out of my head. I couldn't feel anything but despair until I pulled into the familiar parking lot behind Forks High**_

_**School and spotted Edward leaning motionlessly against his polished silver Volvo, like a marble tribute to some forgotten pagan god of beauty. The dream had not done him justice. And he was waiting there for me, just the same as every other day. Despair momentarily vanished; wonder took its place. Even after half a year with him, I still couldn't believe that I deserved this degree of good fortune. His sister Alice was standing by his side, waiting for me, too. Of course Edward and Alice weren't really related (in Forks the story was that all the Cullen siblings were adopted by Dr. Carlisle Culler and his wife, Esme, both plainly too young to have teenage children), but their skin was precisely the same pale shade, their eyes had the same strange golden tint, with the same deep, bruise-like shadows beneath them. Her face, like his, was also startlingly beautiful. To someone in the know—someone like me—these similarities marked them for what they were. The sight of Alice waiting there—her tawny eyes brilliant with excitement, and a small silver-wrapped square in her hands—made me frown. I'd told Alice I didn't want anything, anything, not gifts or even attention, for my birthday. Obviously, my wishes were being ignored.**_

_**I slammed the door of my '53 Chevy truck—a shower of rust specks fluttered down to the wet blacktop—and walked slowly toward where they waited. Alice skipped forward to meet me, her pixie face glowing under her spiky black hair.**_

_**"Happy birthday, Bella!"**_

_**"Shh!" I hissed, glancing around the lot to make sure no one had heard her. The last thing I wanted was some kind of celebration of the black event.**_

_**She ignored me. "Do you want to open your present now or later?" she asked eagerly as we made our way to where Edward still waited.**_

_**"No presents," I protested in a mumble.**_

_**She finally seemed to process my mood. "Okay… later, then. Did you like the scrapbook your mom sent you? And the camera from Charlie?" **_

I paused and looked up at Alice and spoke. " I want no present understood."

"But Bella its your Birthday. Come on."

"No, I don't want anything." Before she could continued I keep reading.

"_**I sighed. Of course she would know what my birthday presents were. Edward wasn't the only member of his family with unusual skills. Alice would have "seen" what my parents were planning as soon as they'd decided that themselves.**_

_**"Yeah. They're great."**_

_**"I think it's a nice idea. You're only a senior once. Might as well document the experience."**_

_**"How many times have you been a senior?"**_

_**"That's different."**_

_**We reached Edward then, and he held out his hand for mine. I took it eagerly, forgetting, for a moment, my glum mood. His skin was, as always, smooth, hard, and very cold. He gave my fingers a gentle squeeze. I looked into his liquid topaz eyes, and my heart gave a not-quite-so-gentle squeeze of its own. Hearing the stutter in my heartbeats, he smiled again.**_

_**He lifted his free hand and traced one cool fingertip around the outside of my lips as he spoke. "So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?"**_

_**"Yes. That is correct." I could never quite mimic the flow of his perfect, formal articulation. It was something that could only be picked up in an earlier century.**_

_**"Just checking." He ran his hand through his tousled bronze hair. "You might have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts."**_

"Your not going to let me get you anything Bella." Edward asked me and I just shook my head. He didn't get that it was an aversion to gifts it was that something from them would throw us unbalance. And something from Edward would be….. I continued reading.

_**Alice laughed, and the sound was all silver, a wind chime. "Of course you'll**_

_**enjoy it. Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Bella. What's the worst that could happen?" She meant it as a rhetorical question.**_

_**"Getting older," I answered anyway, and my voice was not as steady as I wanted it to be.**_

_**Beside me, Edward's smile tightened into a hard line.**_

_**"Eighteen isn't very old," Alice said. "Don't women usually wait till they're**_

_**twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?"**_

_**"It's older than Edward," I mumbled.**_

When I looked up I saw Rosalie give me a sympatictic look. I continued…

_**He sighed.**_

_**"Technically," she said, keeping her tone light. "Just by one little year, though."**_

_**And I supposed… if I could be sure of the future I wanted, sure that I would get to spend forever with Edward, and Alice and the rest of the Cullen's (preferably not as a wrinkled little old lady)… then a year or two one direction or the other wouldn't matter to me so much. But Edward was dead set against any future that changed me. Any future that made me like him—that made me immortal, too.**_

_**An impasse, he called it.**_

_**I couldn't really see Edward's point, to be honest. What was so great about**_

_**mortality? Being a vampire didn't look like such a terrible thing—not the way the Cullen's did it, anyway.**_

_**"What time will you be at the house?" Alice continued, changing the subject. From her expression, she was up to exactly the kind of thing I'd been hoping to avoid.**_

_**"I didn't know I had plans to be there."**_

_**"Oh, be fair, Bella!" she complained. "You aren't going to ruin all our fun like that, are you?"**_

_**"I thought my birthday was about what I want."**_

_**"I'll get her from Charlie's right after school," Edward told her, ignoring me**_

_**altogether.**_

_**"I have to work," I protested.**_

_**"You don't, actually," Alice told me smugly. "I already spoke to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading your shifts. She said to tell you 'Happy Birthday.'"**_

_**"I—I still can't come over," I stammered, scrambling for an excuse. "I, well, I haven't watched Romeo and Juliet yet for English."**_

"You should know that when Alice is on a mission you have little to no choice." Emmett said with all seriousness and then he laughed

_**Alice snorted. "You have Romeo and Juliet memorized."**_

_**"But Mr. Berty said we needed to see it performed to fully appreciate it—that's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented."**_

_**Edward rolled his eyes.**_

_**"You've already seen the movie," Alice accused.**_

_**"But not the nineteen-sixties version. Mr. Berty said it was the best."**_

_**Finally, Alice lost the smug smile and glared at me. "This can be easy, or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or the other—"**_

_**Edward interrupted her threat. "Relax, Alice. If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday."**_

_**"So there," I added.**_

_**"I'll bring her over around seven," he continued. "That will give you more time to set up."**_

_**Alice's laughter chimed again. "Sounds good. See you tonight, Bella! It'll be fun, you'll see." She grinned—the wide smile exposed all her perfect, glistening teeth —then pecked me on the cheek and danced off toward her first class before I could respond.**_

_**"Edward, please—" I started to beg, but he pressed one cool finger to my lips.**_

_**"Let's discuss it later. We're going to be late for class."**_

_**No one bothered to stare at us as we took our usual seats in the back of the classroom (we had almost every class together now—it was amazing the favors Edward could get the female administrators to do for him). Edward and I had been together too long now to be an object of gossip anymore. Even Mike Newton didn't bother to give me the glum stare that used to make me feel a little guilty. He smiled now instead, and I was glad he seemed to have accepted that we could only be friends. Mike had changed over the summer—his face had lost some of the roundness, making his cheekbones more prominent, and he was wearing his pale blond hair a new way; instead of bristly, it was longer and gelled**_

_**into a carefully casual disarray. It was easy to see where his inspiration came from —but Edward's look wasn't something that could be achieved through imitation. As the day progressed, I considered ways to get out of whatever was going down at the Cullen house tonight. It would be bad enough to have to celebrate when I was in the mood to mourn. But, worse than that, this was sure to involve attention and gifts.**_

_**Attention is never a good thing, as any other accident-prone klutz would agree. No one wants a spotlight when they're likely to fall on their face.**_

_**And I'd very pointedly asked—well, ordered really—that no one give me any presents this year. It looked like Charlie and Renee weren't the only ones who had decided to overlook that. I'd never had much money, and that had never bothered me. Renee had raised me on a kindergarten teacher's salary. Charlie wasn't getting rich at his job, either— he was the police chief here in the tiny town of Forks. My only personal income**_

_**came from the three days a week I worked at the local sporting goods store. In a town this small, I was lucky to have a job. Every penny I made went into my microscopic college fund. (College was Plan B. I was still hoping for Plan A, but Edward was just so stubborn about leaving me human…) Edward had a lot of money—I didn't even want to think about how much. Money meant next to nothing to Edward or the rest of the Cullen's. It was just something that accumulated when you had unlimited time on your hands and a sister who had an uncanny ability to predict trends in the stock market. Edward didn't seem to understand why I objected to him spending money on me—why it made me**_

_**uncomfortable if he took me to an expensive restaurant in Seattle, why he wasn't allowed to buy me a car that could reach speeds over fifty-five miles an hour, or why I wouldn't let him pay my college tuition (he was ridiculously enthusiastic about Plan B). Edward thought I was being unnecessarily difficult. But how could I let him give me things when I had nothing to reciprocate with? He, for some unfathomable reason, wanted to be with me. Anything he gave me on top of that just threw us more out of balance."**_

I was going to continue reading anything to change the subject. I had just had my feelings put out in the open not only to Edward but to his entire family. When I felt an ice hand turn my head to face him. Edwards face was unreadable then he spoke.

"Do you really feel that way? Is that why I can't get you things or take you place to expensive?" He asked me

"Yes. Can't you see that you being with me is already to much. Can't you see you could do better but your still here with me. If you give me things I feel like I'm only receiving and I already have you and that's more then I ever expected. I can't have more." I explained and look down.

I was embarrassed that his family was hearing this and that he had to hear it. Ugh.

"You're my everything I love you and I want to give you everything I am. Everything I have. " Edward said and took my face in his hands and kissed me it was a slow kiss full of love.

When we broke away I blushed and kept reading.

" _**As the day went on, neither Edward nor Alice brought my birthday up again, and I began to relax a little. We sat at our usual table for lunch.**_

_**A strange kind of truce existed at that table. The three of us—Edward, Alice, and I —sat on the extreme southern end of the table. Now that the "older" and somewhat scarier (in Emmett's case, certainly) Cullen siblings had graduated, Alice and Edward did not seem quite so intimidating, and we did not sit here alone. My other friends, Mike and Jessica (who were in the awkward post breakup friendship phase), Angela and Ben (whose relationship had survived the summer), Eric, Conner, Tyler, and Lauren (though that last one didn't really count in the friend category) all sat at the same table, on the other side of an invisible line. That line dissolved on sunny days when Edward and Alice always skipped school, and then the conversation would swell out effortlessly to include me. Edward and Alice didn't find this minor ostracism odd or hurtful the way I would**_

_**have. They barely noticed it. People always felt strangely ill at ease with the Cullen's, almost afraid for some reason they couldn't explain to themselves. I was a rare exception to that rule. Sometimes it bothered Edward how very comfortable I was with being close to him. He thought he was hazardous to my health—an opinion I rejected vehemently whenever he voiced it. The afternoon passed quickly. School ended, and Edward walked me to my truck as he usually did. But this time, he held the passenger door open for me. **_

_**Alice must have been taking his car home so that he could keep me from making a run for it. I folded my arms and made no move to get out of the rain. "It's my birthday, don't I get to drive?"**_

_**"I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just as you wished."**_

_**"If it's not my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight…"**_

_**"All right." He shut the passenger door and walked past me to open the driver's side. "Happy birthday."**_

_**"Shh," I shushed him halfheartedly. I climbed in the opened door, wishing he'd taken the other offer. Edward played with the radio while I drove, shaking his head in disapproval.**_

_**"Your radio has horrible reception." I frowned. I didn't like it when he picked on my truck. The truck was great—it had personality.**_

_**"You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car." I was so nervous about Alice's plans, on top of my already gloomy mood, that the words came out sharper than I'd meant them. I was hardly ever bad-tempered with Edward, and my tone made him press his lips together to keep from smiling.**_

_**When I parked in front of Charlie's house, he reached over to take my face in his hands. He handled me very carefully, pressing just the tips of his fingers softly against my temples, my cheekbones, my jaw line. Like I was especially breakable. Which was exactly the case—compared with him, at least.**_

_**"You should be in a good mood, today of all days," he whispered. His sweet breath fanned across my face.**_

_**"And if I don't want to be in a good mood?" I asked, my breathing uneven.**_

_**His golden eyes smoldered. "Too bad."**_

_**My head was already spinning by the time he leaned closer and pressed his icy lips against mine. As he intended, no doubt, I forgot all about my worries, and concentrated on remembering how to inhale and exhale.**_

_**His mouth lingered on mine, cold and smooth and gentle, until I wrapped my arms around his neck and threw myself into the kiss with a little too much enthusiasm. I could feel his lips curve upward as he let go of my face and reached back to unlock my grip on him.**_

_**Edward had drawn many careful lines for our physical relationship, with the intent being to keep me alive. Though I respected the need for maintaining a safe distance between my skin and his razor-sharp, venom-coated teeth, I tended to forget about trivial things like that when he was kissing me.**_

_**"Be good, please," he breathed against my cheek. He pressed his lips gently to mine one more time and then pulled away, folding my arms across my stomach. My pulse was thudding in my ears. I put one hand over my heart. It drummed hyperactively under my palm.**_

_**"Do you think I'll ever get better at this?" I wondered, mostly to myself. "That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?"**_

_**"I really hope not," he said, a bit smug.**_

I was going to continue reading when Rosalie said " Smug Ass." I laughed and before anyone could retort I kept reading.

_**I rolled my eyes. "Let's go watch the Capulet's and Montague's hack each other up, all right?"**_

_**"Your wish, my command." Edward sprawled across the couch while I started the movie, fast-forwarding through the opening credits.**_

_**When I perched on the edge of the sofa in front of him, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against his chest. It wasn't exactly as comfortable as a sofa cushion would be, what with his chest being hard and cold—and perfect —as an ice sculpture, but it was definitely preferable. He pulled the old afghan off the back of the couch and draped it over me so I wouldn't freeze beside his body.**_

_**"You know, I've never had much patience with Romeo," he commented as the movie started.**_

_**"What's wrong with Romeo?" I asked, a little offended. Romeo was one of my favorite fictional characters. Until I'd met Edward, I'd sort of had a thing for him.**_

"You had a thing for Romeo," Emmett repeated and then said "And she traded him for you Eddie." He let out a booming laugh until Rosalie smack the back of his head. I continued

_**"Well, first of all, he's in love with this Rosaline—don't you think it makes him seem a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant. Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?"**_

_**I sighed. "Do you want me to watch this alone?"**_

_**"No, I'll mostly be watching you, anyway." His fingers traced patterns across the skin of my arm, raising goose bumps. "Will you cry?"**_

_**"Probably," I admitted, "if I'm paying attention."**_

_**"I won't distract you then." But I felt his lips on my hair, and it was very**_

_**distracting. The movie eventually captured my interest, thanks in large part to Edward whispering Romeo's lines in my ear—his irresistible, velvet voice made the actor's voice sound weak and coarse by comparison. And I did cry, to his amusement, when Juliet woke and found her new husband dead.**_

_**"I'll admit, I do sort of envy him here," Edward said, drying the tears with a lock of my hair.**_

_**"She's very pretty."**_

_**He made a disgusted sound. "I don't envy him the girl—just the ease of the**_

_**suicide," he clarified in a teasing tone. "You humans have it so easy! All you have to do is throw down one tiny vial of plant extracts…"**_

I pause and looked at Edward why would he say that what could he be thinking he wouldn't meet my gaze so I kept reading.

_**"What?" I gasped.**_

_**"It's something I had to think about once, and I knew from Carlisle's experience that it wouldn't be simple. I'm not even sure how many ways Carlisle tried to kill himself in the beginning… after he realized what he'd become…" His voice, which had grown serious, turned light again. "And he's clearly still in excellent health."**_

_**I twisted around so that I could read his face. "What are you talking about?" I demanded. "What do you mean, this something you had to think about once?"**_

_**"Last spring, when you were… nearly killed…" He paused to take a deep breath, snuggling to return to his teasing tone. "Of course I was trying to focus on finding you alive, but part of my mind was making contingency plans. Like I said, it's not as easy for me as it is for a human."**_

I had to stop reading I was starting to hyperventilate . He had tried to kill himself. He was going to die.

"Love calm down I'm here." Edward said. I took deep breaths and I looked at him.

"I don't care what happens to me you won't do anything that stupid do you understand." He nodded and I keep reading

_**For one second, the memory of my last trip to Phoenix washed through my head and made me feel dizzy. I could see it all so clearly—the blinding sun, the heat waves coming off the concrete as I ran with desperate haste to find the sadistic vampire who wanted to torture me to death. James, waiting in the mirrored room with my mother as his hostage—or so I'd thought. I hadn't known it was all a ruse. Just as James hadn't known that Edward was racing to save me; Edward made it in time, but it had been a close one. Unthinkingly, my fingers traced the crescent-shaped scar on my hand that was always just a few degrees cooler than the rest of my skin.**_

_**I shook my head—as if I could shake away the bad memories—and tried to grasp what Edward meant.**_

_**My stomach plunged uncomfortably. "Contingency plans?" I repeated.**_

_**"Well, I wasn't going to live without you." He rolled his eyes as if that fact were childishly obvious. "But I wasn't sure how to do it—I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help… so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi." I didn't want to believe he was serious, but his golden eyes were brooding, focused on something far away in the distance as he contemplated ways to end his own life. Abruptly, I was furious.**_

_**"What is a Volturi?" I demanded.**_

_**"The Volturi are a family," he explained, his eyes still remote. "A very old, very powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing our world has to a royal family, I suppose. Carlisle lived with them briefly in his early years, in Italy, before he settled in America—do you remember the story?"**_

_**"Of course I remember."**_

_**I would never forget the first time I'd gone to his home, the huge white mansion buried deep in the forest beside the river, or the room where Carlisle—Edward's father in so many real ways—kept a wall of paintings that illustrated his personal history. The most vivid, most wildly colorful canvas there, the largest, was from Carlisle's time in Italy. Of course I remembered the calm quartet of men, each with the exquisite face of a seraph, painted into the highest balcony overlooking the swirling mayhem of color. Though the painting was centuries old, Carlisle— the blond angel—remained unchanged. And I remembered the three others, Carlisle's early acquaintances. Edward had never used the name Volturi for the beautiful trio, two black-haired, one snow white. He'd called them Aro, Caius, and Marcus, nighttime patrons of the arts…**_

_**"Anyway, you don't irritate the Volturi," Edward went on, interrupting ray**_

_**reverie. "Not unless you want to die—or whatever it is we do." His voice was so calm, it made him sound almost bored by the prospect.**_

_**My anger turned to horror. I took his marble face between my hands and held it very tightly.**_

_**"You must never, never, never think of anything like that again!" I said. "No**_

_**matter what might ever happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself!"**_

_**"I'll never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point."**_

_**"Put me in danger! I thought we'd established that all the bad luck is my fault?" I was getting angrier. "How dare you even think like that?" The idea of Edward ceasing to exist, even if I were dead, was impossibly painful.**_

_**"What would you do, if the situation were reversed?" he asked.**_

_**"That's not the same thing."**_

_**He didn't seem to understand the difference. He chuckled.**_

_**"What if something did happen to you?" I blanched at the thought. "Would you want me to go off myself?"**_

"No never Bella but it not the same." Edward said. I looked him in the eyes and spoke.

"You're right because if you die if you didn't exist. I couldn't keep going. My life with out you was so different. If you were gone I would need to die to have the pain end." I said as a couple of tears fell.

Edward hugged me and I said " I can't live with out you. You told me once I was your life. And your mine you're the reason I'm still here." He hugged me tight.

"I'll always be with you." He whispered After a couple of minutes I continued to read.

_**A trace of pain touched his perfect features.**_

_**"I guess I see your point… a little," he admitted. "But what would I do without you?"**_

_**"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence."**_

_**He sighed. "You make that sound so easy."**_

_**"It should be. I'm not really that interesting."**_

_**He was about to argue, but then he let it go. "Moot point," he reminded me.**_

**Abruptly, he pulled himself up into a more formal posture, shifting me to the side**

**so that we were no longer touching.**

**"Charlie?" I guessed.**

**Edward smiled. After a moment, I heard the sound of the police cruiser pulling**

**into the driveway. I reached out and took his hand firmly. My dad could deal with**

**that much.**

**Charlie came in with a pizza box in his hands.**

**"Hey, kids." He grinned at me. "I thought you'd like a break from cooking and**

**washing dishes for your birthday. Hungry?"**

**"Sure. Thanks, Dad."**

**Charlie didn't comment on Edward's apparent lack of appetite. He was used to**

**Edward passing on dinner.**

**"Do you mind if I borrow Bella for the evening?" Edward asked when Charlie**

**and I were done.**

**I looked at Charlie hopefully. Maybe he had some concept of birthdays as stay at home, family affairs—this was my first birthday with him, the first birthday since my mom, Renee, had remarried and gone to live in Florida, so I didn't know what he would expect.**

**"That's fine—the Mariners are playing the Sox tonight," Charlie explained, and my hope disappeared. "So I won't be any kind of company… Here." He scooped up the camera he'd gotten me on Renee's suggestion (because I would need pictures to fill up my scrap-book), and threw it to me.**

**He ought to know better than that—I'd always been coordinationally challenged. The camera glanced off the tip of my finger, and tumbled toward the floor. Edward snagged it before it could crash onto the linoleum."**

"If you know I have no coordination at all why would you throw it to me." I asked and rolled my eyes. Everyone in the room laughed. I continued

_**"Nice save," Charlie noted. "If they're doing something fun at the Cullen's'**_

_**tonight, Bella, you should take some pictures. You know how your mother gets she'll be wanting to see the pictures faster than you can take them."**_

_**"Good idea, Charlie," Edward said, handing me the camera. I turned the camera on Edward, and snapped the first picture. "It works."**_

_**"That's good. Hey, say hi to Alice for me. She hasn't been over in a while."**_

_**Charlie's mouth pulled down at one corner.**_

"Charlie really like me Yay! This is going to make everything easier." Alice said. I just rolled my eyes and continued reading.

_**"It's been three days, Dad," I reminded him. Charlie was crazy about Alice. He'd become attached last spring when she'd helped me through my awkward convalescence; Charlie would be forever grateful to her for saving him from the horror of an almost-adult daughter who needed help showering. "I'll tell her."**_

_**"Okay. You kids have fun tonight." It was clearly a dismissal. Charlie was**_

_**already edging toward the living room and the TV. Edward smiled, triumphant, and took my hand to pull me from the kitchen. When we got to the truck, he opened the passenger door for me again, and this time I didn't argue. I still had a hard time finding the obscure turnoff to his house**_

_**in the dark. Edward drove north through Forks, visibly chafing at the speed limit enforced by my prehistoric Chevy. The engine groaned even louder than usual as he pushed it over fifty.**_

_**"Take it easy," I warned him.**_

_**"You know what you would love? A nice little Audi coupe. Very quiet, lots of power…"**_

_**"There's nothing wrong with my truck. And speaking of expensive nonessentials, if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on birthday presents."**_

"Seriously what would you do if he did glare at the ground 'cuz the moment you looked at him he would turn your will power to goo." Emmett said and everyone laughed. I continued because he was right.

_**"Not a dime," he said virtuously.**_

_**"Good."**_

_**"Can you do me a favor?"**_

_**"That depends on what it is."**_

_**He sighed, his lovely face serious. "Bella, the last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited."**_

_**It always startled me a little when he brought up things like that. "Fine, I'll**_

_**behave."**_

_**"I probably should warn you…"**_

_**"Please do."**_

_**"When I say they're all excited… I do mean all of them."**_

_**"Everyone?" I choked. "I thought Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa." The rest of Forks was under the impression that the older Cullen's had gone off to college this year, to Dartmouth, but I knew better.**_

_**"Emmett wanted to be here."**_

_**"But… Rosalie?"**_

_**"I know, Bella. Don't worry, she'll be on her best behavior."**_

_**I didn't answer. Like I could just not worry, that easy. Unlike Alice, Edward's other "adopted" sister, the golden blond and exquisite Rosalie, didn't like me much. Actually, the feeling was a little bit stronger than just dislike. As far as Rosalie was concerned, I was an unwelcome intruder into her family's secret life.**_

I looked up to find Edward glaring at Rosalie. When I turn to look at Rosalie she gave me an apologetic smile. I nodded continued.

_**I felt horribly guilty about the present situation, guessing that Rosalie and**_

_**Emmett's prolonged absence was my fault, even as I furtively enjoyed not having to see her Emmett, Edward's playful bear of a brother, I did miss.**_

_**He was in many ways just like the big brother I'd always wanted… only much, much more terrifying.**_

_**Edward decided to change the subject. "So, if you won't let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything that you'd like for your birthday?"**_

_**The words came out in a whisper. "You know what I want."**_

_**A deep frown carved creases into his marble forehead. He obviously wished he'd stuck to the subject of Rosalie.**_

Edward hands balled into fist and I looked up at him and said "Were not talking about that I'm not going to push your hand. I'll be with you until you want me around." I was tried of having the same argument all summer.

It was clear that he didn't want me forever and I would be with him until when he wanted me and then I would die.

"Bella…." Edward started but I caught him off.

"Don't I finally got it." I said and continued to read.

_**It felt like we'd had this argument a lot today.**_

_**"Not tonight, Bella. Please."**_

_**"Well, maybe Alice will give me what I want."**_

_**Edward growled—a deep, menacing sound. "This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella," he vowed.**_

_**"That's not fair!" I thought I heard his teeth clench together.**_

_**We were pulling up to the house now. Bright light shined from every window on the first two floors. A long line of glowing Japanese lanterns hung from the porch eaves, reflecting a soft radiance on the huge cedars that surrounded the house.**_

_**Big bowls of flowers—pink roses—lined the wide stairs up to the front doors.**_

_**I moaned.**_

_**Edward took a few deep breaths to calm himself. "This is a party," he reminded me. "Try to be a good sport."**_

_**"Sure," I muttered.**_

_**He came around to get my door, and offered me his hand.**_

_**"I have a question."**_

_**He waited warily.**_

I groan I knew the question and Emmet was going to have a field day with the question ugh!

_**"If I develop this film," I said, toying with the camera in my hands, "will you**_

_**show up in the picture?"**_

_**Edward started laughing. He helped me out of the car, pulled me up the stairs, and was still laughing as he opened the door for me.**_

_**They were all waiting in the huge white living room; when I walked through the door, they greeted me with a loud chorus of "Happy birthday, Bella!" while I blushed and looked down. Alice, I assumed, had covered every flat surface with pink candles and dozens of crystal bowls filled with hundreds of roses. **_

I was never so much of a girly girl that wanted a sweet sixteen. But that they would do this for me when Renee wouldn't even had remember. It felt nice. I continued.

_**There was a table with a white cloth draped over it next to Edward's grand piano, holding a pink birthday cake, more roses, a stack of glass plates, and a small pile of silver wrapped presents. It was a hundred times worse than I'd imagined. Edward, sensing my distress, wrapped an encouraging arm around my waist and kissed the top of my head.**_

_**Edward's parents, Carlisle and Esme impossibly youthful and lovely as ever were the closest to the door. Esme hugged me carefully, her soft, caramel-colored hair brushing against my cheek as she kissed my forehead, and then Carlisle put his arm around my shoulders.**_

_**"Sorry about this, Bella," he stage-whispered. "We couldn't rein Alice in."**_

_**Rosalie and Emmett stood behind them. Rosalie didn't smile, but at least she didn't glare. Emmett's face was stretched into a huge grin. It had been months since I'd seen them; I'd forgotten how gloriously beautiful Rosalie was—it almost hurt to look at her. And had Emmett always been so… big?**_

_**"You haven't changed at all," Emmett said with mock disappointment. "I**_

_**expected a perceptible difference, but here you are, red-faced just like always."**_

_**"Thanks a lot, Emmett," I said, blushing deeper**_

Everyone in the room laughed and I smiled. They were my family and I loved them.

_**He laughed, "I have to step out for a second"—he paused to wink conspicuously at Alice—"Don't do anything funny while I'm gone."**_

_**"I'll try."**_

_**Alice let go of Jasper's hand and skipped forward, all her teeth sparkling in the bright light. Jasper smiled, too, but kept his distance. He leaned, long and blond, against the post at the foot of the stairs. During the days we'd had to spend cooped up together in Phoenix, I'd thought he'd gotten over his aversion to me.**_

I was going to continue reading when Jasper said "It's not aversion Bella I just don't want to risk hurting you." He said

"Thanks Jasper I know I just my book self seems a little dense sometime." And I continued reading.

_**But he'd gone back to exactly how he'd acted before—avoiding me as much as possible—the moment he was free from that temporary obligation to protect me. I knew it wasn't personal, just a precaution, and I tried not to be overly sensitive about it. Jasper had more trouble sticking to the Cullen's' diet than the rest of them; the scent of human blood was much harder for him to resist than the others —he hadn't been trying as long.**_

_**"Time to open presents," Alice declared. She put her cool hand under my elbow and towed me to the table with the cake and the shiny packages.**_

_**I put on my best martyr face. "Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything—"**_

_**"But I didn't listen," she interrupted, smug. "Open it." She took the camera from my hands and replaced it with a big, square silver box.**_

_**The box was so light that it felt empty. The tag on top said that it was from**_

_**Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper. Self consciously, I tore the paper off and then stared at the box it concealed.**_

_**It was something electrical, with lots of numbers in the name. I opened the box, hoping for further illumination. But the box was empty.**_

_**"Um… thanks."**_

_**Rosalie actually cracked a smile. Jasper laughed. "It's a stereo for your truck," he explained. "Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it."**_

I rolled my eyes " I wouldn't return it. That would be rude." I said and continued to read.

_**Alice was always one step ahead of me. "Thanks, Jasper, Rosalie," I told them, grinning as I remembered Edward's complaints about my radio this afternoon— all a setup, apparently. "Thanks, Emmett!" I called more loudly.**_

_**I heard his booming laugh from my truck, and I couldn't help laughing, too.**_

_**"Open mine and Edward's next," Alice said, so excited her voice was a high pitched trill. She held a small, flat square in her hand.**_

_**I turned to give Edward a basilisk glare. "You promised."**_

_**Before he could answer, Emmett bounded through the door. "Just in time!" he crowed. He pushed in behind Jasper, who had also drifted closer than usual to get a good look.**_

_**"I didn't spend a dime," Edward assured me. He brushed a strand of hair from my face, leaving my skin tingling from his touch.**_

_**I inhaled deeply and turned to Alice. "Give it to me," I sighed.**_

_**Emmett chuckled with delight.**_

_**I took the little package, rolling my eyes at Edward while I stuck my finger under the edge of the paper and jerked it under the tape.**_

_**"Shoot," I muttered when the paper sliced my finger; I pulled it out to examine the damage. A single drop of blood oozed from the tiny cut.**_

"Oh no ." I whispered but I'm pretty sure everyone heard me.

"No!" Edward Roared. I continued reading

_**It all happened very quickly then.**_

_**"No!" Edward roared.**_

_**He threw himself at me, flinging me back across the table. It fell, as I did,**_

_**scattering the cake and the presents, the flowers and the plates. I landed in the mess of shattered crystal. Jasper slammed into Edward, and the sound was like the crash of boulders in a rock slide**_.

_**There was another noise, a grisly snarling that seemed to be coming from deep in Jasper's chest. Jasper tried to shove past Edward, snapping his teeth just inches from Edward's face.**_

_**Emmett grabbed Jasper from behind in the next second, locking him into his massive steel grip, but Jasper struggled on, his wild, empty eyes focused only on me.**_

_**Beyond the shock, there was also pain. I'd tumbled down to the floor by the piano, with my arms thrown out instinctively to catch my fall, into the jagged shards of glass. Only now did I feel the searing, stinging pain that ran from my wrist to the crease inside my elbow.**_

_**Dazed and disoriented, I looked up from the bright red blood pulsing out of my arm—into the fevered eyes of the six suddenly ravenous vampires.**_

"That's the end of the chapter. Hm. I need some air." I got up I was going t o walk out when Jasper spoke.

"Bella I'm so sorry. I would never hurt you like that." He said and you could hear the pain in his voice.

"I know Jasper believe me when I say I don't blame you. I just need air." I said Edward stood to go with me .

"No I need to be alone." I said and it hurt but something had just click. The looks the constant arguments. The reason the books arrived. Edward was think of leaving.

As I head outside I sat their on the steps and just stared of to the darkness. Will my thoughts not to go their. But that was the only thing that made sense. And it hurt.

I don't know how long I sat their when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see Rosalie. I wanted to ask her what had made he change her mind about me. But I couldn't so she spoke.

"You want to keep reading or call it a night?" She asked and because I'm masochist .

"Keep reading we head back inside to find Carlisle holding the book. I sat on the couch again throw my shoes off. And pulled my legs to my chest and prepared for the worst.

_**AOUTHOR NOTE: **_

_Thank you to all my reviewers it means a lot. I know that my character are a little different. There's are reason for that all we be explain and understood as you continue to read. I hope you can give me more review. Thank you so much. If your wondering about my other stories let me know and if you have anything you might want to see happen here or any other of my stories let me know._


	6. Chapter 6

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THIS THE WRITER OF THIS IS STEPHENIE MEYER **__**Anne Rice's**__**. **_

EPOV

Bella sat on the couch. She had her knees to her chest. She looked so deep in though. I was broken out of my thoughts by Rosalie's thoughts.

"_My answer is no Edward. I won't do anything to hurt her." _Rosalie thought and focus on the book.

"_That's two less because you know Emmett would have gone along with it only because of Rosalie." _Alice though then she spoke.

"Lets keep reading." She said and looked at Carlisle. Carlisle turned to Bella who looked like she was out of it.

"Bella are you ok." He asked her tentatively. Bella took long to answer then finally she spoke.

"You can read Carlisle." She said but she didn't answer his question.

" _I can't feel anything from her." _Jasper thought. I turn to look at him but he was staring at Bella. He was going to say something when Bella spoke again.

"Just read please." She said and put her head on her knees and looked toward the wall.

So Carlisle started **"**_**STITCHES"**_

_**CARLISLE WAS NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO STAYED calm. Centuries of**_

_**experience in the emergency room were evident in his quiet, authoritative voice.**_

_**"Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside."**_

_**Unsmiling for once, Emmett nodded. "Come on, Jasper."**_

_**Jasper struggled against Emmett's unbreakable grasp, twisting around, reaching toward his brother with his bared teeth, his eyes still past reason.**_

_**Edward's face was whiter than bone as he wheeled to crouch over me, taking a clearly defensive position. A low warning growl slid from between his clenched teeth. I could tell that he wasn't breathing.**_

I turned to face Rosalie glaring at her for acting that why when I saw he face she looked so sad and sorry. Then she thought.

"_I sorry I don't feel the same why now." _she thought.

_**Rosalie, her divine face strangely smug, stepped in front of Jasper—keeping a careful distance from his teeth—and helped Emmett wrestle him through the glass door that Esme held open, one hand pressed over her mouth and nose.**_

_**Esme's heart-shaped face was ashamed. "I'm so sorry, Bella," she cried as she followed the others into the yard.**_

_**"Let me by, Edward," Carlisle murmured.**_

_**A second passed, and then Edward nodded slowly and relaxed his stance.**_

_**Carlisle knelt beside me, leaning close to examine my arm. I could feel the shock frozen on my face, and I tried to compose it.**_

_**"Here, Carlisle," Alice said, handing him a towel.**_

_**He shook his head. "Too much glass in the wound." He reached over and ripped a long, thin scrap from the bottom of the white tablecloth. He twisted it around my arm above the elbow to form a tourniquet. The smell of the blood was making me**_

_**dizzy. My ears rang.**_

_**"Bella," Carlisle said softly. "Do you want me to drive you to the hospital, or would you like me to take care of it here?"**_

"Please what kind of question that the hospital or have her personal doctor look after her." Emmett said trying to lighten the mood.

Then he thought _"I don't know what you did to my lil' sis but you better fix it." _

I turned to look at Bella she looked out of it. I turned to Carlisle who put the book down. He walked over to her As he approach her she looked up. And spoke.

"You can keep reading Carlisle I'm listen. You just asked if I wanted to go to the hospital or have you check it. Then Emmet made a joke." She said Carlisle nodded and sat back down and continued.

_**"Here, please," I whispered. If he took me to the hospital, there would be no way to keep this from Charlie.**_

_**"I'll get your bag," Alice said.**_

_**"Let's take her to the kitchen table," Carlisle said to Edward.**_

_**Edward lifted me effortlessly, while Carlisle kept the pressure steady on my arm.**_

_**"How are you doing, Bella?" Carlisle asked.**_

_**"I'm fine." My voice was reasonably steady, which pleased me.**_

_**Edward's face was like stone.**_

_**Alice was there. Carlisle's black bag was already on the table, a small but brilliant desk light plugged into the wall. Edward sat me gently into a chair, and Carlisle pulled up another. He went to work at once.**_

_**Edward stood over me, still protective, still not breathing.**_

_**"Just go, Edward," I sighed.**_

_**"I can handle it," he insisted. But his jaw was rigid; his eyes burned with the intensity of the thirst he fought, so much worse for him than it was for the others.**_

Bella just shook her head. And whispered " So masochistic."

_**"You don't need to be a hero," I said. "Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air."**_

_**I winced as Carlisle did something to my arm that stung.**_

_**"I'll stay," he said.**_

_**"Why are you so masochistic?" I mumbled.**_

_**Carlisle decided to intercede. "Edward, you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now."**_

_**"Yes," I eagerly agreed. "Go find Jasper."**_

_**"You might as well do something useful," Alice added.**_

I turned to glare at Alice when she thought _"Please your making everything worst by being their."_

_**Edward's eyes narrowed as we ganged up on him, but, finally, he nodded once and sprinted smoothly through the kitchen's back door. I was sure he hadn't taken a breath since I'd sliced my finger.**_

_**A numb, dead feeling was spreading through my arm.**_

_**Though it erased the sting, it reminded me of the gash, and I watched Carlisle's face carefully to distract me from what his hands were doing. His hair gleamed gold in the bright light as he bent over my arm. I could feel the faint stirrings of unease in the pit of my stomach, but I was determined not to let my usual squeamishness get the best of me. **_

_**There was no pain now, just a gentle tugging sensation that I tried to ignore. No reason to get sick like a baby.**_

_**If she hadn't been in my line of sight, I wouldn't have noticed Alice give up and steal out of the room. With a tiny, apologetic smile on her lips, she disappeared through the kitchen doorway.**_

_**"Well, that's everyone," I sighed. "I can clear a room, at least."**_

There were s couple of snickers but nothing to big.

_**"It's not your fault," Carlisle comforted me with a chuckle. "It could happen to anyone."**_

"Yeah but it happened to me." Bella said

_**"Could" I repeated. "But it usually just happens to me."**_

_**He laughed again.**_

_**His relaxed calm was only more amazing set in direct contrast with everyone else's reaction. I couldn't find any trace of anxiety in his face. He worked with quick, sure movements. **_

_**The only sound besides our quiet breathing was the soft plink, plink as the tiny fragments of glass dropped one by one to the table.**_

_**"How can you do this?" I demanded. "Even Alice and Esme…" I trailed off,**_

_**shaking my head in wonder. Though the rest of them had given up the traditional diet of vampires just as absolutely as Carlisle had, he was the only one who could bear the smell of my blood without suffering from the intense temptation.**_

_**Clearly, this was much more difficult than he made it seem.**_

_**"Years and years of practice," he told me. "I barely notice the scent anymore."**_

_**"Do you think it would be harder if you took a vacation from the hospital for a long time. And weren't around any blood?"**_

_**"Maybe." He shrugged his shoulders, but his hands remained steady. "I've never felt the need for an extended holiday." He flashed a brilliant smile in my direction. "I enjoy my work too much."**_

_**Plink, plink, plink. I was surprised at how much glass there seemed to be in my arm. I was tempted to glance at the growing pile, just to check the size, but I knew that idea would not be helpful to my no-vomiting strategy.**_

_**"What is it that you enjoy?" I wondered. It didn't make sense to me—the years of struggle and self-denial he must have spent to get to the point where he could endure this so easily. **_

_**Besides, I wanted to keep him talking; the conversation kept my mind off the queasy feeling in my stomach.**_

_**His dark eyes were calm and thoughtful as he answered. "Hmm. What I enjoy the very most is when my… enhanced abilities let me save someone who would otherwise have been lost. It's pleasant knowing that, thanks to what I can do, some people's lives are better because I exist. Even the sense of smell is a useful diagnostic tool at times." One side of his mouth pulled up in half a smile.**_

_**I mulled that over while he poked around, making sure all the glass splinters were gone. Then he rummaged in his bag for new tools, and I tried not to picture a needle and thread.**_

_**"You try very hard to make up for something that was never your fault," I**_

_**suggested while a new kind of tugging started at the edges of my skin. "What I mean is, it's not like you asked for this. You didn't choose this kind of life, and yet you have to work so hard to be good."**_

_**"I don't know that I'm making up for anything," he disagreed lightly. "Like**_

_**everything in life, I just had to decide what to do with what I was given."**_

_**"That makes it sound too easy."**_

_**He examined my arm again. "There," he said, snipping a thread. "All done." He wiped an oversized Q-tip, dripping with some syrup-colored liquid, thoroughly across the operation site. The smell was strange; it made my head spin. **_

_**The syrup stained my skin.**_

_**"In the beginning, though," I pressed while he taped another long piece of gauze securely in place, sealing it to my skin. "Why did you even think to try a different way than the obvious one?"**_

_**His lips turned up in a private smile. "Hasn't Edward told you this story?"**_

I had told her. Carlisle and I turned to Bella at the same time and she meet Carlisles eyes. From his mind I could see her she looked so sad, hurt, and confused. She nodded to Carlisle then he continued.

_**"Yes. But I'm trying to understand what you were thinking…"**_

_**His face was suddenly serious again, and I wondered if his thoughts had gone to the same place that mine had. Wondering what I would be thinking when—I refused to think if—it was me.**_

_**"You know my father was a clergyman," he mused as he cleaned the table**_

_**carefully, rubbing everything down with wet gauze, and then doing it again. The smell of alcohol burned in my nose. "He had a rather harsh view of the world, which I was already beginning to question before the time that I changed."**_

_**Carlisle put all the dirty gauze and the glass slivers into an empty crystal bowl. I didn't understand what he was doing, even when he lit the match. Then he threw it onto the alcohol-soaked fibers, and the sudden blaze made me jump.**_

_**"Sorry," he apologized. "That ought to do it… So I didn't agree with my father's particular brand of faith. But never, in the nearly four hundred years now since I was born, have I ever seen anything to make me doubt whether God exists in some form or the other. Not even the reflection in the mirror."**_

_**I pretended to examine the dressing on my arm to hide my surprise at the**_

_**direction our conversation had taken. Religion was the last thing I expected, all things considered. My own life was fairly devoid of belief. Charlie considered himself a Lutheran, because that's what his parents had been, but Sundays he worshipped by the river with a fishing pole in his hand. **_

_**Renee tried out a church now and then, but, much like her brief affairs with tennis, pottery, yoga, and French classes, she moved on by the time I was aware of her newest fad.**_

_**"I'm sure all this sounds a little bizarre, coming from a vampire." He grinned, knowing how their casual use of that word never failed to shock me. "But I'm hoping that there is still a point to this life, even for us. It's a long shot, I'll admit,"**_

_**he continued in an offhand voice. "By all accounts, we're damned regardless. But I hope, maybe foolishly, that we'll get some measure of credit for trying."**_

_**"I don't think that's foolish," I mumbled. I couldn't imagine anyone, deity**_

_**included, who wouldn't be impressed by Carlisle. Besides, the only kind of**_

_**heaven I could appreciate would have to include Edward. "And I don't think**_

_**anyone else would, either."**_

_**"Actually, you're the very first one to agree with me."**_

_**"The rest of them don't feel the same?" I asked, surprised, thinking of only one person in particular.**_

_**Carlisle guessed the direction of my thoughts again. "Edward's with me up to a point. God and heaven exist… and so does hell. But he doesn't believe there is an afterlife for our kind." Carlisle's voice was very soft; he stared out the big window over the sink, into the darkness. "You see, he thinks we've lost our souls."**_

_**I immediately thought of Edward's words this afternoon: unless you want to die or whatever it is that we do. **_

I turn to look at Bella to see if she would make a movement. Then Alice laught and said "You didn't Bella."

"I did Renee got into a phase of reading books on witches so I deiced to read vampires and their was this author and I think until the day I die I'll remember what she said." Bella said. Rosalie looked at her and spoke

"Which was what." She asked he thoughts making it clear that she wanted to help Bella feel better.

Bella looked up and spoke " **'**_**I would fear but I would accept, but do you know what is so terrible about your fate? It is that your soul will be locked in your body forever. It will have no chance in natural death to pass into another body or another lifetime. No, all through time your soul will be the soul of a god. The cycle of death and rebirth will be closed in you.'**__**"**_

As she spoke she looked so convinced it was so hard not to believe.

"You were all meant to be who you are. None of you choose but your doing the best you can. Your souls are just locked in you. Waiting like use human to the day where we complete our purpose and asend. You are no different." She said and smiled at Carlisle who smiled back and continued reading.

_**The light bulb flicked on over my head.**_

_**"That's the real problem, isn't it?" I guessed. "That's why he's being so difficult about me."**_

_**Carlisle spoke slowly. "I look at my… son. His strength, his goodness, the**_

_**brightness that shines out of him—and it only fuels that hope, that faith, more than ever. How could there not be more for one such as Edward?"**_

_**I nodded in fervent agreement.**_

_**"But if I believed as he does…" He looked down at me with unfathomable eyes.**_

_**"If you believed as he did. Could you take away his soul?"**_

_**The way he phrased the question thwarted my answer.**_

_**If he'd asked me whether I would risk my soul for Edward, the reply would be obvious. But would I risk Edward's soul? I pursed my lips unhappily. That wasn't a fair exchange.**_

_**"You see the problem."**_

_**I shook my head, aware of the stubborn set of my chin.**_

_**Carlisle sighed.**_

_**"It's my choice," I insisted.**_

_**"It's his, too." He held up his hand when he could see that I was about to argue.**_

_**"Whether he is responsible for doing that to you."**_

_**"He's not the only one able to do it." I eyed Carlisle speculatively.**_

_**He laughed, abruptly lightening the mood. "Oh, no! You're going to have to work this out with him." But then he sighed. "That's the one part I can never be sure of. I think, in most other ways, that I've done the best I could with what I had to work with. But was it right to doom the others to this life? I can't decide."**_

_**I didn't answer. I imagined what my life would be like if Carlisle had resisted the temptation to change his lonely existence… and shuddered.**_

_**"It was Edward's mother who made up my mind." Carlisle's voice was almost a whisper. He stared unseeingly out the black windows.**_

_**"His mother?" Whenever I'd asked Edward about his parents, he would merely say that they had died long ago, and his memories were vague. I realized Carlisle's memory of them, despite the brevity of their contact, would be perfectly clear.**_

_**"Yes. Her name was Elizabeth. Elizabeth Masen. His father, Edward Senior,**_

_**never regained consciousness in the hospital. He died in the first wave of the influenza. But Elizabeth was alert until almost the very end. Edward looks a great deal like her—she had that same strange bronze shade to her hair, and her eyes were exactly the same color green."**_

_**"His eyes were green?" I murmured, trying to picture it.**_

_**"Yes…" Carlisle's ocher eyes were a hundred years away now. "Elizabeth**_

_**worried obsessively over her son. She hurt her own chances of survival trying to nurse him from her sickbed. I expected that he would go first, he was so much worse off than she was. When the end came for her, it was very quick. It was just after sunset, and I'd arrived to relieve the doctors who'd been working all day. That was a hard time to pretend—there was so much work to be done, and I had no need of rest. How I hated to go back to my house, to hide in the dark and pretend to sleep while so many were dying.**_

_**"I went to check Elizabeth and her son first. I'd grown attached—always a dangerous thing to do considering the fragile nature of humans. I could see at once that she'd taken a bad turn. The fever was raging out of control, and her body was too weak to fight anymore.**_

_**"She didn't look weak, though, when she glared up at me from her cot.**_

_**"Save him!' she commanded me in the hoarse voice that was all her throat could manage.**_

_**"I'll do everything in my power,' I promised her, taking her hand. The fever was so high, she probably couldn't even tell how unnaturally cold mine felt. Everything felt cold to her skin.**_

_**"You must," she insisted, clutching at my hand with enough strength that I**_

_**wondered if she wouldn't pull through the crisis after all. Her eyes were hard, like stones, like emeralds. 'You must do everything in your power. What others cannot do, that is what you must do for my Edward."**_

_**"It frightened me. She looked it me with those piercing eyes, and, for one instant, I felt certain that she knew my secret. Then the fever overwhelmed her, and she never regained consciousness. She died within an hour of making her demand.**_

_**"I'd spent decades considering the idea of creating a companion for myself. Just one other creature who could really know me, rather than what I pretended to be.**_

_**But I could never justify it to myself—doing what had been done to me.**_

_**"There Edward lay, dying. It was clear that he had only hours left. Beside him, his mother, her face somehow not yet peaceful, not even in death."**_

As Carlisle spoke I smelled in the air tears she was crying and I wanted to comfort her but she just pulled her legs tighter to her chest.

_**Carlisle saw it all again, his memory unblurred by the intervening century. I**_

_**could see it clearly, too, as he spoke—the despair of the hospital, the**_

_**overwhelming atmosphere of death. Edward burning with fever, his life slipping away with each tick of the clock… I shuddered again, and forced the picture from my mind.**_

_**"Elizabeth's words echoed in my head. How could she guess what I could do?**_

_**Could anyone really want that for her son?**_

_**"I looked at Edward. Sick as he was, he was still beautiful. There was something pure and good about his face. The kind of face I would have wanted my son to have.**_

_**"After all those years of indecision, I simply acted on a whim. I wheeled his**_

_**mother to the morgue first, and then I came back for him. No one noticed that he was still breathing. There weren't enough hands, enough eyes, to keep track of half of what the patients needed. The morgue was empty—of the living, at least. I stole him out the back door, and carried him across the rooftops back to my home.**_

_**"I wasn't sure what had to be done. I settled for recreating the wounds I'd received myself, so many centuries earlier in London. I felt bad about that later. It was more painful and lingering than necessary.**_

_**"I wasn't sorry, though. I've never been sorry that I saved Edward." He shook his head, coming back to the present. He smiled at me. "I suppose I should take you home now."**_

_**"I'll do that," Edward said. He came through the shadowy dining room, walking slowly for him. His face was smooth, unreadable, but there was something wrong with his eyes—something he was trying very hard to hide. I felt a spasm of unease in my stomach.**_

Everyone other then Carlisle turned to glare at me. As the last line was readed Bella shot up and ran to the bathroom we had downstairs. She ran in and slamed the door. And we all heard her throwing up inthere. I shot up and knock on the door.

"Bella are you ok open it please." I begged we need to talk.

After what seem like an eternity she answered, "I'm fine just give me a minute."

Everyone was standing behind me. But Rosalie spoke "You did this to her. You cause all this." Not two minute later she open the door she looked paler then usual.

Rosalie walk over to her and asked her, " Are you ok."

"Yeah we can keep reading." she said and we all headed back to the living room. Bella took up the same position as before and Carlisle continued to read.

_**"Carlisle can take me," I said. I looked down at my shirt; the light blue cotton was soaked and spotted with my blood. My right shoulder was covered in thick pink frosting.**_

_**"I'm fine." Edward's voice was unemotional. "You'll need to change anyway. You'd give Charlie a heart attack the way you look. I'll have Alice get you something." He strode out the kitchen door again.**_

_**I looked at Carlisle anxiously. "He's very upset."**_

_**"Yes," Carlisle agreed. "Tonight is exactly the kind of thing that he fears the most. You being put in danger, because of what we are."**_

_**"It's not his fault."**_

_**"It's not yours, either."**_

Bella just pulled her legs tighter to her chest.

_**I looked away from his wise, beautiful eyes. I couldn't agree with that.**_

_**Carlisle offered me his hand and helped me up from the table. I followed him out into the main room. Esme had come back; she was mopping the floor where I'd fallen—with straight bleach from the smell of it.**_

_**"Esme, let me do that." I could feel that my face was bright red again.**_

_**"I'm already done." She smiled up at me. "How do you feel?"**_

_**"I'm fine," I assured her. "Carlisle sews faster than any other doctor I've had."**_

_**They both chuckled.**_

_**Alice and Edward came in the back doors. Alice hurried to my side, but Edward hung back, his face indecipherable.**_

_**"C'mon," Alice said. "I'll get you something less macabre to wear."**_

_**She found me a shirt of Esme's that was close to the same color mine had been.**_

_**Charlie wouldn't notice, I was sure. The long white bandage on my arm didn't look nearly as serious when I was no longer spattered in gore. Charlie was never surprised to see me bandaged.**_

_**"Alice," I whispered as she headed back to the door.**_

_**"Yes?" She kept her voice low, too, and looked at me curiously, her head cocked to the side.**_

_**"How bad is it?" I couldn't be sure if my whispering was a wasted effort. Even though we were upstairs, with the door closed, perhaps he could hear me.**_

_**Her face tensed. "I'm not sure yet."**_

Bella looked up to meet Alice's and she look down because it was clear that she did know.

_**"How's Jasper?"**_

_**She sighed. "He's very unhappy with himself. It's all so much more of challenge for him, and he hates feeling weak."**_

_**"It's not his fault. You'll tell him that I'm not mad at him, not at all, won't you?"**_

_**"Of course."**_

_**Edward was waiting for me by the front door. As I got to the bottom of the**_

_**staircase, he held it open without a word.**_

_**"Take your things!" Alice cried as I walked warily toward Edward. She scooped up the two packages, one half-opened, and my camera from under the piano, and pressed them into my good arm. "You can thank me later, when you've opened them."**_

_**Esme and Carlisle both said a quiet goodnight. I could see them stealing quick glances at their impassive son, much like I was.**_

_**It was a relief to be outside; I hurried past the lanterns and the roses, now**_

_**unwelcome reminders. Edward kept pace with me silently. He opened the**_

_**passenger side for me, and I climbed in without complaint.**_

_**On the dashboard was a big red ribbon, stuck to the new stereo. I pulled it off, throwing it to the floor. As Edward slid into the other side, I kicked the ribbon under my seat.**_

_**He didn't look at me or the stereo. Neither of us switched it on, and the silence was somehow intensified by the sudden thunder of the engine.**_

_**He drove too fast down the dark, serpentine lane.**_

_**The silence was making me insane.**_

_**"Say something," I finally begged as he turned onto the freeway.**_

With every word Carlisle readied I could smell the moister in Bella's eyes intensified.

_**"What do you want me to say?" he asked in a detached voice.**_

_**I cringed at his remoteness. 'Tell me you forgive me."**_

_**That brought a flicker of life to his face—a flicker of anger. "Forgive you? For what?"**_

_**"If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened."**_

_**"Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut—that hardly deserves the death penalty."**_

_**"It's still my fault."**_

_**My words opened up the floodgate.**_

_**"Your fault? If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela and your other normal friends, the worst that could possibly have happened would be what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage? If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own—without someone throwing you into them—even then, what's the worst? You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up—and he wouldn't be righting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there. Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself."**_

Bella turned to glare at me her eyes meet mine and I could see all those emotion Jasper kept saying he didn't feel. The pain, Hurt, Cunfusion, and Anger.

_**"How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?" I demanded.**_

_**"Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with," he growled.**_

_**"I'd rather die than be with Mike Newton," I protested. "I'd rather die than be with anyone but you."**_

_**"Don't be melodramatic, please."**_

Bella turned to look at me again and said "I'm not melodramatic or anything of the sort."

_**"Well then, don't you be ridiculous."**_

_**He didn't answer. He glared through the windshield, his expression black.**_

_**I racked my brain for some way to salvage the evening. When we pulled up in front of my house, I still hadn't come up with anything.**_

_**He killed the engine, but his hands stayed clenched around the steering wheel.**_

_**"Will you stay tonight?" I asked.**_

_**"I should go home."**_

_**The last thing I wanted was for him to go wallow in remorse.**_

_**"For my birthday," I pressed.**_

Bella just shook her head.

_**"You can't have it both ways—either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other."**_

_**His voice was stern, but not as serious as before. I breathed a silent sigh of relief.**_

_**"Okay. I've decided that I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you**_

_**upstairs."**_

_**I hopped out, reaching back in for my packages. He frowned.**_

_**"You don't have to take those."**_

_**"I want them," I responded automatically, and then wondered if he was using reverse psychology.**_

_**"No, you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you."**_

_**"I'll live." I tucked the presents awkwardly under my good arm and slammed the door behind me. He was out of the truck and by my side in less than a second.**_

_**"Let me carry them, at least." he said as he took them away. "I'll be in your room."**_

_**I smiled. "Thanks."**_

_**"Happy birthday," he sighed, and leaned down to touch his lips to mine.**_

_**I reached up on my toes to make the kiss last longer when he pulled away. He smiled my favorite crooked smile, and then he disappeared into the darkness.**_

_**The game was still on; as soon as I walked through the front door I could hear the announcer rambling over the babble of the crowd.**_

_**"Bell?" Charlie called.**_

_**"Hey, Dad," I said as I came around the corner. I held my arm close to my side. The slight pressure burned, and I wrinkled my nose. The anesthetic was apparently losing its effectiveness.**_

_**"How was it?" Charlie lounged across the sofa with his bare feet propped up on the arm. What was left of his curly brown hair was crushed flat on one side.**_

_**"Alice went overboard. Flowers, cake, candles, presents—the whole bit."**_

_**"What did they get you?"**_

_**"A stereo for my truck." And various unknowns.**_

_**"Wow."**_

_**"Yeah," I agreed. "Well, I'm calling it a night."**_

_**"I'll see you in the morning."**_

_**I waved. "See ya."**_

_**"What happened to your arm?"**_

_**I flushed and cursed silently. "I tripped. It's nothing."**_

_**"Bella," he sighed, shaking his head.**_

_**"Goodnight, Dad."**_

_**I hurried up to the bathroom, where I kept my pajamas for just such nights as these. I shrugged into the matching tank top and cotton pants that I'd gotten to replace the holey sweats I used to wear to bed, wincing as the movement pulled at the stitches. I washed my face one-handed, brushed my teeth, and then skipped to my room.**_

_**He was sitting in the center of my bed, toying idly with one of the silver boxes.**_

_**"Hi," he said. His voice was sad. He was wallowing.**_

_**I went to the bed, pushed the presents out of his hands, and climbed into his lap.**_

_**"Hi." I snuggled into his stone chest. "Can I open my presents now?"**_

_**"Where did the enthusiasm come from?" he wondered.**_

_**"You made me curious."**_

_**I picked up the long flat rectangle that must have been from Carlisle and Esme.**_

_**"Allow me," he suggested. He took the gift from my hand and tore the silver paper off with one fluid movement. He handed the rectangular white box back to me.**_

_**"Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?" I muttered, but he ignored me.**_

_**Inside the box was a long thick piece of paper with an overwhelming amount of fine print. It took me a minute to get the gist of the information.**_

_**"We're going to Jacksonville?" And I was excited, in spite of myself. It was a voucher for plane tickets, for both me and Edward.**_

It sounded like a good gift but know with what had happen with Renee I wasn't too sure.

_**"That's the idea."**_

_**"I can't believe it. Renee is going to flip! You don't mind, though, do you? It's sunny, you'll have to stay inside all day."**_

_**"I think I can handle it," he said, and then frowned. "If I'd had any idea that you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain."**_

_**"Well, of course it's too much. But I get to take you with me!"**_

_**He chuckled. "Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realize that you were capable of being reasonable."**_

_**I set the tickets aside and reached for his present, my curiosity rekindled. He took it from me and unwrapped it like the first one.**_

_**He handed back a clear CD jewel case, with a blank silver CD inside.**_

_**"What is it?" I asked, perplexed.**_

_**He didn't say anything; he took the CD and reached around me to put it in the CD player on the bedside table. He hit play, and we waited in silence. Then the music began.**_

_**I listened, speechless and wide-eyed. I knew he was waiting for my reaction, but I couldn't talk. Tears welled up, and I reached up to wipe them away before they could spill over.**_

Just like in the book her eyes welled up with tears. Just that I didn't have the security it was of happiness.

_**"Does your arm hurt?" he asked anxiously.**_

_**"No, it's not my arm. It's beautiful, Edward. You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I can't believe it." I shut up, so I could listen.**_

_**It was his music, his compositions. The first piece on the CD was my lullaby.**_

_**"I didn't think you would let me get a piano so I could play for you here," he explained.**_

_**"You're right."**_

_**"How does your arm feel?"**_

_**"Just fine." Actually, it was starting to blaze under the bandage. I wanted ice. I would have settled for his hand, but that would have given me away.**_

_**"I'll get you some Tylenol."**_

_**"I don't need anything," I protested, but he slid me off his lap and headed for the door.**_

_**"Charlie," I hissed. Charlie wasn't exactly aware that Edward frequently stayed**_

_**over. In fact, he would have a stroke if that fact were brought to his attention. But I didn't feel too guilty for deceiving him It wasn't as if we were up to anything he wouldn't want me to be up to. Edward and his rules…**_

"What do you want to….." Emmett stop when Rosalie smacked the back of his head.

_**"He won't catch me," Edward promised as he disappeared silently out the door . . and returned, catching the door before it had swung back to touch the frame. He had the glass from the bathroom and the bottle of pills in one hand.**_

_**I took the pills he handed me without arguing—I knew I would lose the argument And my arm really was starting to bother me. My lullaby continued, soft and lovely, in the background.**_

_**"It's late," Edward noted. He scooped me up off the bed with one arm, and pulled the cover back with the other. He put me down with my head on my pillow and tucked the quilt around me. He lay down next to me—on top of the blanket so I wouldn't get chilled—and put his arm over me.**_

_**I leaned my head against his shoulder and sighed happily.**_

_**"Thanks again," I whispered.**_

_**"You're welcome."**_

_**It was quiet for a long moment as I listened to my lullaby drift to a close. Another song began. I recognized Esme's favorite.**_

_**"What are you thinking about?'" I wondered in a whisper.**_

_**He hesitated for a second before he told me. "I was thinking about right and wrong, actually."**_

_**I felt a chill tingle along my spine.**_

_**"Remember how I decided that I wanted you to not ignore my birthday?" I asked quickly, hoping it wasn't too clear that I was trying to distract him.**_

_**"Yes," he agreed, wary.**_

_**"Well, I was thinking, since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me**_

_**again."**_

_**"You're greedy tonight."**_

_**"Yes, I am—but please, don't do anything you don't want to do," I added, piqued.**_

_**He laughed, and then sighed. "Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do," he said in a strangely desperate tone as he put his hand under my chin and pulled my face up to his.**_

_**The kiss began much the same as usual—Edward was as careful as ever, and my heart began to overreact like it always did. And then something seemed to change. Suddenly his lips became much more urgent, his free hand twisted into my hair and held my face securely to his. And, though my hands tangled in hishair, too, and though I was clearly beginning to cross his cautious lines, for once he didn't stop me. His body was cold through the thin quilt, but I crushed myselfagainst him eagerly.**_

_**When he stopped it was abrupt; he pushed me away with gentle, firm hands. I collapsed back onto my pillow, gasping, my head spinning. Something tugged at my memory, elusive, on the edges.**_

_**"Sorry," he said, and he was breathless, too. "That was out of line."**_

_**"I don't mind," I panted.**_

_**He frowned at me in the darkness. "Try to sleep. Bella."**_

_**"No, I want you to kiss me again."**_

_**"You're overestimating my self-control."**_

_**"Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?" I challenged.**_

_**"It's a tie." He grinned briefly in spite of himself, and then was serious again.**_

_**"Now. why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?"**_

_**"Fine," I agreed, snuggling closer to him. I really did feel exhausted. It had been a long day in so many ways, yet I felt no sense of relief at its end. Almost as if something worse was coming tomorrow. It was a silly premonition—what could be worse than today?' Just the shock catching up with me, no doubt.**_

_**Trying to be sneaky about it, I pressed my injured arm against his shoulder, so his cool skin would sooth the burning. It felt better at once.**_

_**I was halfway asleep, maybe more, when I realized what his kiss had reminded me of: last spring, when he'd had to leave me to throw James off my trail, Edward had kissed me goodbye, not knowing when—or if—we would see each other again. This kiss had the same almost painful edge for some reason I couldn't imagine. I shuddered into unconsciousness, as if I were already having a nightmare.**_

"That's the end of the chapter." Carlisle said paused and looked at bella and spoke again "Do you want to keep reading?" He asked.

"Yes. I'll read." Bella answer and reached for the book.

_**Author NOTE: **_

_Thank you to all my reviewers it means a lot. What do you think? I know that my character are a little different. There's are reason for that all we be explain and understood as you continue to read. I hope you can give me more review. Thank you so much. If your wondering about my other stories let me know and if you have anything you might want to see happen here or any other of my stories let me know. Review Please!_


	7. Chapter 7

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THIS THE WRITER OF THIS IS STEPHENIE MEYER **__**Anne Rice's**__**. **_

BPOV:

Carlisle hastily handed me the book. I knew what was going to happen the real me or 'the present' me knew what it meant. And what hurt was that he was thinking of it.

That why he'd been so distant these past couple of days. His evasiveness the reason why Alice of all people would go mute every time I asked if she could see what he was thinking of doing.

Call me masochistic but I needed to be proven to see that I wasn't wrong. Because every time I thought that he was think of leaving I could think of all the reasons why. Then I see him and he tell me he loved me and I would feel guilty that the idea even crossed my mind. I was broken out of my though by Esme speaking.

"Honey if you can't read we understand." She said.

"Its," I pause and took a deep breath and continued, "fine I can read."

She nodded and I looked down at the chapter and started.

"**THE END…."**

I sucked in a breath I heard growls all a round the room. But I continued it like with a band aid if you pull it off fast it hurts less.

_**I FELT ABSOLUTELY HIDEOUS IN THE MORNING. I HADN'T slept well;**_

_**my arm burned and my head ached. It didn't help my outlook that Edward's face was smooth and remote as he kissed my forehead quickly and ducked out my window. I was afraid of the time I'd spent unconscious, afraid that he might have been thinking about right and wrong again while he watched me sleep. The anxiety seemed to ratchet up the intensity of the pounding in my head. **_

_**Edward was waiting for me at school, as usual, but his face was still wrong. There was something buried in his eyes that I couldn't be sure of—and it scared me. I didn't want to bring up last night, but I wasn't sure if avoiding the subject would be worse.**_

_**He opened my door for me.**_

_**"How do you feel?"**_

_**"Perfect," I lied, cringing as the sound of the slamming door echoed in my head. We walked in silence, he shortening his stride to match mine. There were so many questions I wanted to ask, but most of those questions would have to wait, because they were for Alice: How was Jasper this morning? What had they said when I was gone? What had Rosalie said? And most importantly, what could she see happening now in her strange, imperfect visions of the future?**_

_**Could she guess what Edward was thinking, why he was so gloomy? Was there a foundation for the tenuous, instinctive fears that I couldn't seem to shake?**_

She was so lost she had no idea what was going to happen. And every word I read just conformed it more to me. Every word I read was like a stab at my heart. My vision blurred but I knew that I had to read this that I had to read the words for myself.

So I continued even when every part of me yelled that I was heading for a cliff and nothing would save me.

_**The morning passed slowly. I was impatient to see Alice, though I wouldn't be able to really talk to her with Edward there. Edward remained aloof. Occasionally he would ask about my arm, and I would lie.**_

_**Alice usually beat us to lunch; she didn't have to keep pace with a sloth like me. But she wasn't at the table, waiting with a tray of food she wouldn't eat.**_

_**Edward didn't say anything about her absence. I wondered to myself if her class was running late—until I saw Conner and Ben, who were in her fourth hour French class.**_

_**"Where's Alice?" I asked Edward anxiously.**_

_**He looked at the granola bar he was slowly pulverizing between his fingertips while he answered. "She's with Jasper."**_

_**"Is he okay?"**_

_**"He's gone away for a while."**_

_**"What? Where?"**_

_**Edward shrugged. "Nowhere in particular."**_

_**"And Alice, too," I said with quiet desperation. Of course, if Jasper needed her, she would go.**_

Alice had to go with him she couldn't be away from him it would kill her.

_**"Yes. She'll be gone for a while. She was trying to convince him to go to Denali." Denali was where the one other band of unique vampires—good ones like the Cullen's—lived. Tanya and her family. I'd heard of them now and again. Edward had run to them last winter when my arrival had made Forks difficult for him. Laurent, the most civilized member of James's little coven, had gone there rather than siding with James against the Cullens. It made sense for Alice to encourage Jasper to go there.**_

_**I swallowed, trying to dislodge the sudden lump in my throat. The guilt made my head bow and my shoulders slump. I'd run them out of their home, just like Rosalie and Emmett. I was a plague.**_

I was a plague I came to make there life more difficult. The pain surged through me and all I could wish was to die. I heard two growls and I felt Edwards eyes on me.

But I didn't care he was leaving and when I had amost died he say I was his life. But he didn't realize that he was mine and that with out him it was meaning less. I continued reading.

_**"Is your arm bothering you?" he asked solicitously.**_

_**"Who cares about my stupid arm?" I muttered in disgust.**_

_**He didn't answer, and I put my head down on the table.**_

_**By the end of the day, the silence was becoming ridiculous. I didn't want to be the one to break it, but apparently that was my only choice if I ever wanted him to talk to me again.**_

_**"You'll come over later tonight?" I asked as he walked me—silently—to my**_

_**truck. He always came over.**_

_**"Later?"**_

_**It pleased me that he seemed surprised. "I have to work. I had to trade with Mrs. Newton to get yesterday off."**_

_**"Oh," he murmured.**_

_**"So you'll come over when I'm home, though, right?" I hated that I felt suddenly unsure about this.**_

_**"If you want me to."**_

_**"I always want you," I reminded him, with perhaps a little more intensity than the conversation required.**_

"Bella maybe I should read." Rosalie said and when I looked at her I felt the tears brim. She had been right I should never been here. And think to back to the last line I knew what Bella was doing.

She was fighting she just didn't know against what she was fighting and I wanted to die. Rose eyes told me she understood and I want to give the book to her but I needed to do this.

"Thanks but I'll read." I said and continued

_**I expected he would laugh, or smile, or react somehow to my words.**_

_**"All right, then," he said indifferently.**_

_**He kissed my forehead again before he shut the door on me. Then he turned his back and loped gracefully toward his car. I was able to drive out of the parking lot before the panic really hit, but I was hyperventilating by the time I got to Newton's.**_

_**He just needed time, I told myself. He would get over this. Maybe he was sad because his family was disappearing. But Alice and Jasper would come back soon, and Rosalie and Emmett, too. If it would help, I would stay away from the big white house on the river—I'd never set foot there again. That didn't matter. **_

"She's so stupid." I mumbled

"No she fighting and refuse to see it different." Esme said and I could feel all the motherly love she emitted and I want to run to her arms and cry but once I let go.

It was over and I had to read so I nodded and continued

_**I'd still see Alice at school. She would have to come back for school, right? And she was at my place all the time anyway. She wouldn't want to hurt Charlie's feelings by staying away.**_

_**No doubt I would also run into Carlisle with regularity—in the emergency room. After all, what had happened last night was nothing. Nothing had happened. **_

_**So I fell down—that was the story of my life. Compared to last spring, it seemed especially unimportant. James had left me broken and nearly dead from loss of blood—and yet Edward had handled the interminable weeks in the hospital much better than this. Was it because, this time, it wasn't an enemy he'd had to protect me from? Because it was his brother?**_

_**Maybe it would be better if he took me away, rather than his family being**_

_**scattered. I grew slightly less depressed as I considered all the uninterrupted alone time. If he could just last through the school year, Charlie wouldn't be able to object. We could go away to college, or pretend that's what we were doing, like Rosalie and Emmett this year. Surely Edward could wait a year. **_

_**What was a year to an immortal? It didn't even seem like that much to me.**_

_**I was able to talk myself into enough composure to handle getting out of the truck and walking to the store. Mike Newton had beaten me here today, and he smiled and waved when I came in. **_

"I see he's still trying," Emmett tried joking. I looked up but his smile was a tentive and I could see how hard it was for him. So I spoke.

"Don't think he'll ever give up." I said and continued reading

_**I grabbed my vest, nodding vaguely in his direction. I**_

_**was still imagining pleasant scenarios that consisted of me running away with Edward to various exotic locales.**_

_**Mike interrupted my fantasy. "How was your birthday?"**_

_**"Ugh," I mumbled. "I'm glad it's over."**_

It wasn't here and I wanted it gone.

_**Mike looked at me from the corners of his eyes like I was crazy.**_

_**Work dragged. I wanted to see Edward again, praying that he would be past the worst of this, whatever it was exactly, by the time I saw him again. It's nothing, I told myself over and over again. Everything will go back to normal.**_

_**The relief I felt when I turned onto my street and saw Edward's silver car parked in front of my house was an overwhelming, heady thing. And it bothered me deeply that it should be that way. I hurried through the front door, calling out before I was completely inside.**_

_**"Dad? Edward?"**_

_**As I spoke, I could hear the distinctive theme music from ESPN's Sports Center coming from the living room.**_

_**"In here," Charlie called.**_

_**I hung my raincoat on its peg and hurried around the corner.**_

_**Edward was in the armchair, my father on the sofa. Both had their eyes trained on the TV. The focus was normal for my father. Not so much for Edward.**_

_**"Hi," I said weakly.**_

_**"Hey, Bella," my father answered, eyes never moving. "We just had cold pizza. I think it's still on the table."**_

_**"Okay."**_

_**I waited in the doorway. Finally, Edward looked over at me with a polite smile.**_

_**"I'll be right behind you," he promised. His eyes strayed back to the TV.**_

_**I stared for another minute, shocked. Neither one seemed to notice. I could feel something, panic maybe, building up in my chest. I escaped to the kitchen.**_

_**The pizza held no interest for me. I sat in my chair, pulled my knees up, and wrapped my arms around them. Something was very wrong, maybe more wrong than I'd realized. The sounds of male bonding and banter continued from the TV set.**_

_**( changing POVS.)**_

EPOV:

Bella was breaking down she looked so lost so hurt.

"_I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO ALL THIS. WHY WOULD YOU DRAG HER ALONG LIKE THIS" _Rosalie yelled in my head but I didn't pay attention my eyes were trained on Bella as she read.

_**I tried to get control of myself, to reason with myself.**_

_**What's the worst that can happen? I flinched. That was definitely the wrong question to ask. I was having a hard time breathing right.**_

"_You have no idea what your doing this will kill you both." _Alice thought and then I remember the recent vision she'd have of Bella dieing.

_**Okay, I thought again, what's the worst I can live through? I didn't like that**_

_**question so much, either. But I thought through the possibilities I'd considered today.**_

_**Staying away from Edward's family. Of course, he wouldn't expect Alice to be part of that. But if Jasper was off limits, that would lessen the time I could have with her. I nodded to myself—I could live with that.**_

"How can she be so blind." Bella mumured

_**Or going away. Maybe he wouldn't want to wait till the end of the school year, maybe it would have to be now.**_

_**In front of me, on the table, my presents from Charlie and Renee were where I had left them, the camera I hadn't had the chance to use at the Cullen's sitting beside the album. I touched the pretty cover of the scrapbook my mother had given me, and sighed, thinking of Renee. **_

_**Somehow, living without her for as long as I had did not make the idea of a more permanent separation easier. And Charlie would be left all alone here, abandoned. They would both be so hurt…**_

_**But we'd come back, right? We'd visit, of course, wouldn't we?**_

_**I couldn't be certain about the answer to that. I leaned my cheek against my knee, staring at the physical tokens of my parents'**_

_**love. I'd known this path I'd chosen was going to be hard. **_

_**And, after all, I was thinking about the worst-case scenario—the very worst I could live through. I touched the scrapbook again, flipping the front cover over. Little metal corners**_

_**were already in place to hold the first picture. It wasn't a half-bad idea, to make some record of my life here. I felt a strange urge to get started. Maybe I didn't have that long left in Forks.**_

Bella stop reading and place the book down. Her hands were shaking she was licking her lips. I reached for her but she flinched away. She turned to look at me and all her emotions were in her eyes and it killed me.

"I can't have you near me," She pause took a breath and spoke again "it hurts to much."

"Honey would you like some water." Esme asked and Bella nodded. Esme ran and got it and came back and handed it too her.

When she was done drinking her phone rang. She pulled it out of her pocket. It was Charlie.

"Hello." Bella answer.

"_Bella Honey are you ok? " _ Charlie asked worry colored his voice.

"Yeah just fine dad, Were watching a movie and I was dosing off." She said.

"_Ok. I was wondering if you were spending the night at the Cullen's?"_ Charlie asked.

"Yeah Dad that was the plan." Bella answered.

"_Well, I also called to let you know Renee called me." _Charlie said

"That's nice. Look dad were watching a movie can I talk to you later." Bella said

"Ok its fine. Take care." Charlie said and hung up.

Bella pick up the book up again and you could see he hand shaking. She took a breath and continued…

_**I toyed with the wrist strap on the camera, wondering about the first picture on the roll. Could it possibly turn out anything close to the original? I doubted it. But he didn't seem worried that it would be blank. I chuckled to myself, thinking of his carefree laughter last night. The chuckle died away. So much had changed, and so abruptly. It made me feel a little bit dizzy, like I was standing on an edge, a precipice somewhere much too high.**_

"_She has to be in pain why can't I feel it," Jasper thought and as I looked at her I knew he was right._

_**I didn't want to think about that anymore. I grabbed the camera and headed up the stairs. My room hadn't really changed all that much in the seventeen years since my mother had been here. The walls were still light blue, the same yellowed lace curtains hung in front of the window. There was a bed, rather than a crib, but she would recognize the quilt draped untidily over the top—it had been a gift ROM Gran.**_

_**Regardless, I snapped a picture of my room. There wasn't much else I could do tonight—it was too dark outside—and the feeling was growing stronger, it was almost a compulsion now. I would record everything about Forks before I had to leave it.**_

"Why can't she see it why," Bella spoke and you could hear the pain in her voice.

"She can she just doesn't want to consider it possible." Rose answer her and I could see the pain in her eyes.

_**Change was coming. I could feel it. It wasn't a pleasant prospect, not when life was perfect the way it was. I took my time coming back down the stairs, camera in hand, trying to ignore the butterflies in my stomach as I thought of the strange distance I didn't want to see in Edward's eyes. He would get over this. Probably he was worried that I would be upset when he asked me to leave. I would let him work through it without meddling. And I would be prepared when he asked.**_

Bella turned to looked at me and asked "Why," she paused and took a breath, "Why prolong it so much." And I could see the pain but before I could answer she continued.

_**I had the camera ready as I leaned around the corner, being sneaky. I was sure there was no chance that I had caught Edward by surprise, but he didn't look up. I felt a brief shiver as something icy twisted in my stomach; I ignored that and took the picture.**_

_**They both looked at me then. Charlie frowned. Edward's face was empty,**_

_**expressionless.**_

_**"What are you doing, Bella?" Charlie complained.**_

_**"Oh, come on." I pretended to smile as I went to sit on the floor in front of the sofa where Charlie lounged. "You know Mom will be calling soon to ask if I'm using my presents. I have to get to work before she can get her feelings hurt."**_

_**"Why are you taking pictures of me, though?" he grumbled.**_

_**"Because you're so handsome," I replied, keeping it light. "And because, since you bought the camera, you're obligated to be one of my subjects."**_

_**He mumbled something unintelligible.**_

_**"Hey, Edward," I said with admirable indifference. "Take one of me and my dad together."**_

_**I threw the camera toward him, carefully avoiding his eyes, and knelt beside the arm of the sofa where Charlie's face was. Charlie sighed.**_

_**"You need to smile, Bella," Edward murmured.**_

_**I did my best, and the camera flashed.**_

_**"Let me take one of you kids," Charlie suggested. I knew he was just trying to shift the camera's focus from himself.**_

_**Edward stood and lightly tossed him the camera.**_

_**I went to stand beside Edward, and the arrangement felt formal and strange to me. He put one hand lightly on my shoulder, and I wrapped my arm more securely around his waist. I wanted to look at his face, but I was afraid to.**_

_**"Smile, Bella," Charlie reminded me again.**_

"_She hurting son, you need to have her take a break," _Carlisle said and I knew he was right.

"Bella love…" Before I could finish she put up a hand.

"Don't call me that I can't," she pause, "Please it hurts." She continued reading.

_**I took a deep breath and smiled. The flash blinded me.**_

_**"Enough pictures for tonight," Charlie said then, shoving the camera into a**_

_**crevice of the sofa cushions and rolling over it. "You don't have to use the whole roll now."**_

_**Edward dropped his hand from my shoulder and twisted casually out of my arm.**_

_**He sat back down in the armchair.**_

_**I hesitated, and then went to sit against the sofa again. I was suddenly so**_

_**frightened that my hands were shaking. I pressed them into my stomach to hide them, put my chin on my knees and stared at the TV screen in front of me, seeing nothing.**_

_**When the show ended, I hadn't moved an inch. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward stand.**_

_**"I'd better get home," he said.**_

_**Charlie didn't look up from the commercial. "See ya."**_

_**I got awkwardly to my feet—I was stiff from sitting so still—and followed**_

_**Edward out the front door. He went straight to his car.**_

_**"Will you stay?" I asked, no hope in my voice.**_

_**I expected his answer, so it didn't hurt as much.**_

_**"Not tonight."**_

_**I didn't ask for a reason.**_

_**He got in his car and drove away while I stood there, unmoving. I barely noticed that it was raining. I waited, without knowing what I waited for, until the door opened behind me.**_

_**"Bella, what are you doing?" Charlie asked, surprised to see me standing there alone and dripping.**_

_**"Nothing." I turned and trudged back to the house.**_

_**It was a long night, with little in the way of rest.**_

_**I got up as soon as there was a faint light outside my window. I dressed for**_

_**school mechanically, waiting for the clouds to brighten. When I had eaten a bowl of cereal, I decided that it was light enough for pictures. I took one of my truck, and then the front of the house. I turned and snapped a few of the forest by Charlie's house. Funny how it didn't seem sinister like it used to. I realized I would miss this—the green, the timelessness, the mystery of the woods. All of it. I put the camera in my school bag before I left. I tried to concentrate on my new project rather than the fact that Edward apparently hadn't gotten over things during the night.**_

_**Along with the fear, I was beginning to feel impatience. How long could this last?**_

_**It lasted through the morning. He walked silently beside me, never seeming to actually look at me. I tried to concentrate on my classes, but not even English could hold my attention. Mr. Berty had to repeat his question about Lady Capulet twice before I realized he was talking to me. Edward whispered the correct answer under his breath and then went back to ignoring me.**_

_**At lunch, the silence continued. I felt like I was going to start screaming at any moment, so, to distract myself, I leaned across the table's invisible line and spoke to Jessica.**_

_**"Hey, Jess?"**_

_**"What's up, Bella?"**_

_**"Could you do me a favor?" I asked, reaching into my bag. "My mom wants me to get some pictures of my friends for a scrapbook. So, take some pictures of everybody, okay?"**_

_**"Sure," she said, grinning, and turned to snap a candid shot of Mike with his mouth full.**_

_**A predictable picture war ensued. I watched them hand the camera around the table, giggling and flirting and complaining about being on film. It seemed strangely childish. Maybe I just wasn't in the mood for normal human behavior today.**_

_**"Uh-oh," Jessica said apologetically as she returned the camera. "I think we used all your film."**_

_**"That's okay. I think I already got pictures of everything else I needed."**_

_**After school, Edward walked me back to the parking lot in silence. I had to work again, and for once, I was glad. Time with me obviously wasn't helping things.**_

_**Maybe time alone would be better.**_

_**I dropped my film off at the Thriftway on my way to Newton's, and then picked up the developed pictures after work. At home, I said a brief hi to Charlie, grabbed a granola bar from the kitchen, and hurried up to my room with the envelope of photographs tucked under my arm.**_

_**I sat in the middle of my bed and opened the envelope with wary curiosity.**_

_**Ridiculously, I still half expected the first print to be a blank.**_

_**When I pulled it out, I gasped aloud. Edward looked just as beautiful as he did in real life, staring at me out of the picture with the warm eyes I'd missed for the past few days. It was almost uncanny that anyone could look so… so… beyond description. No thousand words could equal this picture.**_

_**I flipped through the rest of the stack quickly once, and then laid three of them out on the bed side by side.**_

_**The first was the picture of Edward in the kitchen, his warm eyes touched with tolerant amusement. The second was Edward and Charlie, watching ESPN. The difference in Edward's expression was severe. His eyes were careful here, reserved. **_

_**Still breathtakingly beautiful, but his face was colder, more like a**_

_**sculpture, less alive.**_

_**The last was the picture of Edward and me standing awkwardly side by side.**_

_**Edward's face was the same as the last, cold and statue-like. But that wasn't the most troubling part of this photograph. The contrast between the two of us was painful. He looked like a god. I looked very average, even for a human, almost shamefully plain. I flipped the picture over with a feeling of disgust.**_

_**Instead of doing my homework, I stayed up to put my pictures into the album. With a ballpoint pen I scrawled captions under all the pictures, the names and the dates. I got to the picture of Edward and me, and, without looking at it too long, I folded it in half and stuck it under the metal tab, Edward-side up.**_

_**When I was done, I stuffed the second set of prints in a fresh envelope and**_

_**penned a long thank-you letter to Renee.**_

_**Edward still hadn't come over. I didn't want to admit that he was the reason I'd stayed up so late, but of course he was. I tried to remember the last time he'd stayed away like this, without an excuse, a phone call… He never had.**_

_**Again, I didn't sleep well.**_

_**School followed the silent, frustrating, terrifying pattern of the last two days. I felt relief when I saw Edward waiting for me in the parking lot, but it faded quickly. He was no different, unless maybe more remote.**_

_**It was hard to even remember the reason for all this mess. My birthday already felt like the distant past. If only Alice would come back. Soon. Before this got any more out of hand.**_

"Bella maybe someone else should read," Esme asked

Bella looked up and shook her head and continued…

_**But I couldn't count on that. I decided that, if I couldn't talk to him today, really talk, then I was going to see Carlisle tomorrow. I had to do something.**_

_**After school, Edward and I were going to talk it out, I promised myself. I wasn't accepting any excuses.**_

_**He walked me to my truck, and I steeled myself to make my demands.**_

_**"Do you mind if I come over today?" he asked before we got to the truck, beating me to the punch.**_

_**"Of course not."**_

_**"Now?" he asked again, opening my door for me.**_

_**"Sure," I kept my voice even, though I didn't like the urgency in his tone. "I was just going to drop a letter for Renee in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there."**_

_**He looked at the fat envelope on the passenger seat. Suddenly, he reached over me and snagged it.**_

_**"I'll do it," he said quietly. "And I'll still beat you there." He smiled my favorite crooked smile, but it was wrong. It didn't reach his eyes.**_

_**"Okay," I agreed, unable to smile back. He shut the door, and headed toward his car.**_

_**He did beat me home. He was parked in Charlie's spot when I pulled up in front of the house. That was a bad sign. He didn't plan to stay, then. I shook my head and took a deep breath, trying to locate some courage.**_

_**He got out of his car when I stepped out of the truck, and came to meet me. He reached to take my book bag from me. That was normal. But he shoved it back onto the seat. That was not normal.**_

"_Oh Edward tell your not…" _Esme thought

"_Edward I swear to god I'm going to kill you," _Were the thought that came from Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Alice.

_**"Come for a walk with me," he suggested in an unemotional voice, taking my hand. I didn't answer. **_

_**I couldn't think of a way to protest, but I instantly knew that I wanted to. I didn't like this. This is bad, this is very bad, the voice in my head repeated again and again.**_

_**But he didn't wait for an answer. He pulled me along toward the east side of the yard, where the forest encroached. I followed unwillingly, trying to think through the panic. It was what I wanted, I reminded myself. The chance to talk it all through. So why was the panic choking me?**_

_**We'd gone only a few steps into the trees when he stopped. We were barely on the trail—I could still see the house.**_

_**Some walk.**_

_**Edward leaned against a tree and stared at me, his expression unreadable.**_

_**"Okay, let's talk," I said. It sounded braver than it felt.**_

_**He took a deep breath.**_

_**"Bella, we're leaving."**_

_**I took a deep breath, too. This was an acceptable option. I thought I was prepared.**_

_**But I still had to ask.**_

_**"Why now? Another year—"**_

_**"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."**_

_**His answer confused me. I thought the point of leaving was to let his family live in peace. Why did we have to leave if they were going? I stared at him, trying to understand what he meant.**_

_**He stared back coldly.**_

_**With a roll of nausea, I realized I'd misunderstood.**_

_**"When you say we—," I whispered.**_

_**"I mean my family and myself." Each word separate and distinct.**_

_**I shook my head back and forth mechanically, trying to clear it. He waited**_

_**without any sign of impatience. It took a few minutes before I could speak.**_

_**"Okay," I said. "I'll come with you."**_

_**"You can't, Bella. Where we're going… It's not the right place for you."**_

_**"Where you are is the right place for me."**_

_**"I'm no good for you, Bella."**_

_**"Don't be ridiculous." I wanted to sound angry, but it just sounded like I was begging. "You're the very best part of my life."**_

_**"My world is not for you," he said grimly.**_

_**"What happened with Jasper—that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"**_

_**"You're right," he agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected."**_

_**"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay—"**_

_**"As long as that was best for you," he interrupted to correct me.**_

_**"No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" I shouted, furious, the words exploding out of me—somehow it still sounded like a plea. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you —it's yours already!"**_

_**He took a deep breath and stared, unseeingly, at the ground for a long moment.**_

_**His mouth twisted the tiniest bit. When he finally looked up, his eyes were**_

_**different, harder—like the liquid gold had frozen solid.**_

_**"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." He spoke the words slowly and**_

_**precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying.**_

_**There was a pause as I repeated the words in my head a few times, sifting through them for their real intent.**_

_**"You… don't… want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they**_

_**sounded, placed in that order.**_

_**"No."**_

_**I stared, uncomprehending, into his eyes. He stared back without apology. His eyes were like topaz—hard and clear and very deep. I felt like I could see into them for miles and miles, yet nowhere in rheir bottomless depths could I see a contradiction to the word he'd spoken.**_

_**"Well, that changes things." I was surprised by how calm and reasonable my voice sounded. It must be because I was so numb. I couldn't realize what he was telling me. It still didn't make any sense.**_

_**He looked away into the trees as he spoke again. **_

_**"Of course, I'll always love you… in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm… tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." **_

_**He looked back, and the icy planes of his perfect face were not**_

_**human. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."**_

_**"Don't." My voice was just a whisper now; awareness was beginning to seep through me, trickling like acid through my veins. "Don't do this."**_

_**He just stared at me, and I could see from his eyes that my words were far too late. He already had.**_

_**"You're not good for me, Bella." He turned his earlier words around, and so **_

_**I had no argument. How well I knew that I wasn't good enough for him.**_

_**I opened my mouth to say something, and then closed it again. He waited**_

_**patiently, his face wiped clean of all emotion. I tried again.**_

"_Oh son how could you," _Carlisle thought and I could here the disappointment in his thought.

Bella continued but as she did the pain was worst.

_**"If… that's what you want."**_

_**He nodded once.**_

_**My whole body went numb. I couldn't feel anything below the neck.**_

_**"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," he said.**_

_**I wonder what he saw on my face, because something flickered across his own face in response. But, before I could identify it, he'd composed his features into the same serene mask.**_

_**"Anything," I vowed, my voice faintly stronger.**_

_**As I watched, his frozen eyes melted. The gold became liquid again, molten, burning down into mine with an intensity that was overwhelming.**_

_**"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," he ordered, no longer detached. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"**_

_**I nodded helplessly.**_

_**His eyes cooled, the distance returned. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself—for him."**_

_**I nodded again. "I will," I whispered.**_

_**He seemed to relax just a little.**_

_**"And I'll make you a promise in return," he said. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."**_

_**My knees must have started to shake, because the trees were suddenly wobbling.**_

_**I could hear the blood pounding faster than normal behind my ears. His voice sounded farther away.**_

_**He smiled gently. "Don't worry. You're human—your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."**_

_**"And your memories?" I asked. It sounded like there was something stuck in my throat, like I was choking.**_

_**"Well"—he hesitated for a short second—"I won't forget. But my kind… we're very easily distracted." He smiled; the smile was tranquil and it did not touch his eyes.**_

_**He took a step away from me. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."**_

_**The plural caught my attention. That surprised me; I would have thought I was beyond noticing anything.**_

_**"Alice isn't coming back," I realized. I don't know how he heard me—the words made no sound—but he seemed to understand.**_

_**He shook his head slowly, always watching my face.**_

_**"No. They're all gone. I staved behind to tell you goodbye."**_

_**"Alice is gone?" My voice was blank with disbelief.**_

_**"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."**_

_**I was dizzy; it was hard to concentrate. His words swirled around in my head, and**_

_**I heard the doctor at the hospital in Phoenix, last spring, as he showed me the Xrays. You can see it's a clean break, his finger traced along the picture of my severed bone. That's good. It will heal more easily, more quickly.**_

_**I tried to breathe normally. I needed to concentrate, to find a way out of this nightmare.**_

_**"Goodbye, Bella," he said in the same quiet, peaceful voice.**_

_**"Wait!" I choked out the word, reaching for him, willing my deadened legs to carry me forward.**_

BPOV

The pain was so much I didn't understand how I could keep reading but I had to I need to so I continued.

_**I thought he was reaching for me, too. But his cold hands locked around my wrists and pinned them to my sides. He leaned down, and pressed his lips very lightly to my forehead for the briefest instant. My eyes closed.**_

_**"Take care of yourself," he breathed, cool against my skin.**_

_**There was a light, unnatural breeze. My eyes flashed open. The leaves on a small vine maple shuddered with the gentle wind of his passage.**_

_**He was gone.**_

_**With shaky legs, ignoring the fact that my action was useless, I followed him into the forest. The evidence of his path had disappeared instantly. There were no footprints, the leaves were still again, but I walked forward without thinking. **_

_**I could not do anything else. I had to keep moving. If I stopped looking for him, it was over.**_

_**Love, life, meaning… over.**_

_**I walked and walked. Time made no sense as I pushed slowly through the thick undergrowth. It was hours passing, but also only seconds. Maybe it felt like time had frozen because the forest looked the same no matter how far I went. **_

_**I started to worry that I was traveling in a circle, a very small circle at that, but I kept going. I stumbled often, and, as it grew darker and darker, I fell often, too.**_

_**Finally, I tripped over something—it was black now, I had no idea what caught my foot—and I stayed down. I rolled onto my side, so that I could breathe, and curled up on the wet bracken.**_

_**As I lay there, I had a feeling that more time was passing than I realized. I**_

_**couldn't remember how long it had been since nightfall. Was it always so dark here at night? Surely, as a rule, some little bit of moonlight would filter down through the clouds, through the chinks in the canopy of trees, and find the ground.**_

_**Not tonight. Tonight the sky was utterly black. Perhaps there was no moon tonight —a lunar eclipse, a new moon.**_

"A change….." I said but continued

_**A new moon. I shivered, though I wasn't cold.**_

_**It was black for a long time before I heard them calling.**_

_**Someone was shouting my name. It was muted, muffled by the wet growth that surrounded me, but it was definitely my name. I didn't recognize the voice. **_

_**I thought about answering, but I was dazed, and it took a long time to come to the conclusion that I should answer. By then, the calling had stopped.**_

_**Sometime later, the rain woke me up. I don't think I'd really fallen asleep; I was just lost in an unthinking stupor, holding with all my strength to the numbness that kept me from realizing what I didn't want to know.**_

_**The rain bothered me a little. It was cold. I unwrapped my arms from around my legs to cover my face.**_

_**It was then that I heard the calling again. It was farther away this time, and**_

_**sometimes it sounded like several voices were calling at once. I tried to breathe deeply. I remembered that I should answer, but I didn't think they would be able to hear me. Would I be able to shout loud enough?**_

_**Suddenly, there was another sound, startlingly close. A kind of snuffling, an animal sound. It sounded big. I wondered if I should feel afraid. I didn't—just numb. It didn't matter. The snuffling went away.**_

_**The rain continued, and I could feel the water pooling up against my cheek. I was trying to gather the strength to turn my head when I saw the light.**_

_**At first it was just a dim glow reflecting off the bushes in the distance. It grew brighter and brighter, illuminating a large space unlike the focused beam of a flashlight. **_

_**The light broke through the closest brush, and I could see that it was a**_

_**propane lantern, but that was all I could see—the brightness blinded me for a moment.**_

_**"Bella."**_

_**The voice was deep and unfamiliar, but full of recognition. He wasn't calling my name to search, he was acknowledging that I was found.**_

_**I stared up—impossibly high it seemed—at the dark face that I could now see above me. I was vaguely aware that the stranger probably only looked so tall because my head was still on the ground.**_

_**"Have you been hurt?"**_

_**I knew the words meant something, but I could only stare, bewildered. How**_

_**could the meaning matter at this point?**_

_**"Bella, my name is Sam Uley."**_

_**There was nothing familiar about his name.**_

_**"Charlie sent me to look for you."**_

_**Charlie? That struck a chord, and I tried to pay more attention to what he was saying. Charlie mattered, if nothing else did.**_

_**The tall man held out a hand. I gazed at it, not sure what I was supposed to do.**_

_**His black eyes appraised me for a second, and then he shrugged. In a quick and supple notion, he pulled me up from the ground and into his arms.**_

_**I hung there, limp, as he loped swiftly through the wet forest. Some part of me knew this should upset me—being carried away by a stranger. But there was nothing left in me to upset.**_

_**It didn't seem like too much time passed before there were lights and the deep babble of many male voices. Sam Uley slowed as he approached the commotion.**_

_**"I've got her!" he called in a booming voice.**_

_**The babble ceased, and then picked up again with more intensity. A confusing swirl of faces moved over me. Sam's voice was the only one that made sense in the chaos, perhaps because my ear was against his chest.**_

_**"No, I don't think she's hurt," he told someone. "She just keeps saying 'He's gone.'**_

_**" Was I saying that out loud? I bit down on my lip.**_

_**"Bella, honey, are you all right?"**_

_**That was one voice I would know anywhere—even distorted, as it was now, with worry.**_

_**"Charlie?" My voice sounded strange and small.**_

_**"I'm right here, baby."**_

_**There was a shifting under me, followed by the leathery smell of my dad's sheriff jacket. Charlie staggered under my weight.**_

_**"Maybe I should hold on to her," Sam Uley suggested.**_

_**"I've got her," Charlie said, a little breathless.**_

_**He walked slowly, struggling. I wished I could tell him to put me down and let**_

_**me walk, but I couldn't find my voice.**_

_**There were lights everywhere, held by the crowd walking with him. It felt like a parade. Or a funeral procession. I closed my eyes.**_

_**"We're almost home now, honey," Charlie mumbled now and then.**_

_**I opened my eyes again when I heard the door unlock. We were on the porch of our house, and the tall dark man named Sam was holding the door for Charlie, one arm extended toward us, as if he was preparing to catch me when Charlie's arms failed.**_

_**But Charlie managed to get me through the door and to the couch in the living room.**_

_**"Dad, I'm all wet," I objected feebly.**_

_**"That doesn't matter." His voice was gruff. And then he was talking to someone**_

_**else. "Blankets are in the cupboard at the top of the stairs."**_

_**"Bella?" a new voice asked. I looked at the gray-haired man leaning over me, and**_

_**recognition came after a few slow seconds.**_

_**"Dr. Gerandy?" I mumbled.**_

_**"That's right, dear," he said. "Are you hurt, Bella?"**_

_**It took me a minute to think that through. I was confused by the memory of Sam**_

_**Uley's similar question in the woods. Only Sam had asked something else: Have**_

_**you been hurt? he'd said. The difference seemed significant somehow.**_

_**Dr. Gerandy was waiting. One grizzled eyebrow rose, and the wrinkles on his**_

_**forehead deepened.**_

_**"I'm not hurt," I lied. The words, were true enough for what he'd asked.**_

_**His warm hand touched my forehead, and his fingers pressed against the inside of**_

_**my wrist. I watched his lips as he counted to himself, his eyes on his watch.**_

_**"What happened to you?" he asked casually.**_

_**I froze under his hand, tasting panic in the back of my throat.**_

_**"Did you get lost in the woods?" he prodded. I was aware of several other people**_

_**listening. Three tall men with dark faces—from La Push, the Quileute Indian**_

_**reservation down on the coastline, I guessed—Sam Uley among them, were**_

_**standing very close together and staring at me. Mr. Newton was there with Mike**_

_**and Mr. Weber, Angela's father; they all were watching me more surreptitiously**_

_**than the strangers. Other deep voices rumbled from the kitchen and outside the**_

_**front door. Half the town must have been looking for me.**_

_**Charlie was the closest. He leaned in to hear my answer.**_

_**"Yes," I whispered. "I got lost."**_

_**The doctor nodded, thoughtful, his fingers probing gently against the glands**_

_**under my jaw. Charlie's face hardened.**_

_**"Do you feel tired?" Dr. Gerandy asked.**_

_**I nodded and closed my eyes obediently.**_

_**"I don't think there's anything wrong with her," I heard the doctor mutter to**_

_**Charlie after a moment. "Just exhaustion. Let her sleep it off, and I'll come check**_

_**on her tomorrow," he paused. He must have looked at his watch, because he**_

_**added, "Well, later today actually."**_

_**There was a creaking sound as they both pushed off from the couch to get to their**_

_**feet.**_

_**"Is it true?" Charlie whispered. Their voices were farther away now. I strained to**_

_**hear. "Did they leave?"**_

_**"Dr. Cullen asked us not to say anything," Dr. Gerandy answered. "The offer was**_

_**very sudden; they had to choose immediately. Carlisle didn't want to make a big**_

_**production out of leaving."**_

_**"A little warning might have been nice," Charlie grumbled.**_

_**Dr. Gerandy sounded uncomfortable when he replied. "Yes, well, in this**_

_**situation, some warning might have been called for."**_

_**I didn't want to listen anymore. I felt around for the edge of the quilt someone had**_

_**laid on top of me, and pulled it over my ear.**_

_**I drifted in and out of alertness. I heard Charlie whisper thanks to the volunteers as, one by one, they left. I felt his fingers on my forehead, and then the weight of another blanket. The phone rang a few times, and he hurried to catch it before it could wake me. He muttered reassurances in a low voice to the callers.**_

_**"Yeah, we found her. She's okay. She got lost. She's fine now," he said again and again.**_

_**I heard the springs in the armchair groan when he settled himself in for the night.**_

_**A few minutes later, the phone rang again.**_

_**Charlie moaned as he struggled to his feet, and then he rushed, stumbling, to the kitchen I pulled my head deeper under the blankets, not wanting to listen to the same conversation again.**_

_**"Yeah," Charlie said, and yawned.**_

_**His voice changed, it was much more alert when he spoke again. "Where?'"**_

_**There was a pause. "You're sure it's outside the reservation?" Another short pause. "But what could be burning out there?" He sounded both worried and mystified. "Look, I'll call down there and check it out."**_

_**I listened with more interest as he punched in a number.**_

_**"Hey, Billy, it's Charlie—sorry I'm calling so early… no, she's fine. She's**_

_**sleeping… Thanks, but that's not why I called. I just got a call from Mrs. Stanley, and she says that from her second-story window she can see fires out on the sea cliffs, but I didn't really… Oh!" Suddenly there was an edge in his voice— irritation… or anger. "And why are they doing that? Uh huh. Really?" He said it**_

_**sarcastically. "Well, don't apologize to me. Yeah, yeah. Just make sure the flames**_

_**don't spread… I know, I know, I'm surprised they got them lit at all in this**_

_**weather."**_

_**Charlie hesitated, and then added grudgingly. "Thanks for sending Sam and the other boys up. You were right—they do know the forest better than we do. It was Sam who found her, so I owe you one… Yeah, I'll talk to you later," he agreed, still sour, before hanging up.**_

_**Charlie muttered something incoherent as he shuffled back to the living room.**_

_**"What's wrong?" I asked.**_

_**He hurried to my side.**_

_**"I'm sorry I woke you, honey."**_

_**"Is something burning?"**_

_**"It's nothing," he assured me. "Just some bonfires out on the cliffs."**_

_**"Bonfires?" I asked. My voice didn't sound curious. It sounded dead.**_

_**Charlie frowned. "Some of the kids from the reservation being rowdy," he**_

_**explained.**_

_**"Why?" I wondered dully.**_

_**I could tell he didn't want to answer. He looked at the floor under his knees.**_

_**"They're celebrating the news." His tone was bitter.**_

_**There was only one piece of news I could think of, try as I might not to. And then the pieces snapped together. "Because the Cullens left," I whispered. "They don't like the Cullens in La Push—I'd forgotten about that."**_

_**The Quileutes had their superstitions about the "cold ones," the blood-drinkers that were enemies to their tribe, just like they had their legends of the great flood and wolf-men ancestors. Just stories, folklore, to most of them. Then there were the few that believed. Charlie's good friend Billy Black believed, though even**_

_**Jacob, his own son, thought he was full of stupid superstitions. Billy had warned**_

_**me to stay away from the Cullens…**_

_**The name stirred something inside me, something that began to claw its way**_

_**toward the surface, something I knew I didn't want to face.**_

_**"It's ridiculous," Charlie spluttered.**_

_**We sat in silence for a moment. The sky was no longer black outside the window.**_

_**Somewhere behind the rain, the sun was beginning to rise.**_

_**"Bella?" Charlie asked.**_

_**I looked at him uneasily.**_

The pain was unbearable It hurt so much. I sucked in breath and continued…

_**"He left you alone in the woods?" Charlie guessed.**_

_**I deflected his question. "How did you know where to find me?" My mind shied**_

_**away from the inevitable awareness that was coming, coming quickly now.**_

_**"Your note," Charlie answered. surprised. He reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out a much-abused piece of paper. It was dirty and damp, with multiple creases from being opened and refolded many times. He unfolded it again, and held it up as evidence. The messy handwriting was remarkably close to my own.**_

_**Going for a walk with Edward, up the path, it said. Back soon, B.**_

_**"When you didn't come back, I called the Cullens, and no one answered," Charlie said in a low voice. "Then I called the hospital, and Dr. Gerandy told me that Carlisle was gone."**_

_**"Where did they go?" I mumbled.**_

_**He stared at me. "Didn't Edward tell you?"**_

_**I shook my head, recoiling. The sound of his name unleashed the thing that was clawing inside of me—a pain that knocked me breathless, astonished me with its force.**_

_**Charlie eyed me doubtfully as he answered. "Carlisle took a job with a big**_

_**hospital in Los Angeles. I guess they threw a lot of money at him."**_

_**Sunny L.A. The last place they would really go. I remembered my nightmare with the mirror… the bright sunlight shimmering off of his skin— Agony ripped through me with the memory of his face.**_

_**"I want to know if Edward left you alone out there in the middle of the woods,"**_

_**Charlie insisted.**_

_**His name sent another wave of torture through me. I shook my head, frantic, desperate to escape the pain. "It was my fault. He left me right here on the trail, in sight of the house… but I tried to follow him."**_

_**Charlie started to say something; childishly, I covered my ears. "I can't talk about this anymore, Dad. I want to go to my room."**_

_**Before he could answer, I scrambled up from the couch and lurched my way up the stairs.**_

_**Someone had been in the house to leave a note for Charlie, a note that would lead him to find me. From the minute that I'd realized this, a horrible suspicion began to grow in my head. I rushed to my room, shutting and locking the door behind me before I ran to the CD player by my bed.**_

_**Everything looked exactly the same as I'd left it. I pressed down on the top of the CD player. The latch unhooked, and the lid slowly swung open.**_

_**It was empty.**_

_**The album Renee had given me sat on the floor beside the bed, just where I'd put it last. I lifted the cover with a shaking hand.**_

_**I didn't have to flip any farther than the first page. The little metal corners no longer held a picture in place. The page was blank except for my own**_

_**handwriting scrawled across the bottom: Edward Cullen, Charlie's kitchen, Sept. 13th.**_

_**I stopped there. I was sure that he would have been very thorough.**_

_**It will be as if I'd never existed, he'd promised me.**_

_**I felt the smooth wooden floor beneath my knees, and then the palms of my hands, and then it was pressed against the skin of my cheek. I hoped that I was fainting, but, to my disappointment, I didn't lose consciousness. The waves of**_

_**pain that had only lapped at me before now reared high up and washed over my**_

_**head, pulling me under.**_

_**I did not resurface.**_

"The End…" I said I took a breath but the room felt so small and every part of me wanted to die. I could feel the pain in me the way my lungs were working so hard to expel the half of breath I took.


	8. Chapter 8

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THIS THE WRITER OF THIS IS STEPHENIE MEYER **_

_~Previous Chapter ~_

"_The End…" I said I took a breath but the room felt so small and every part of me wanted to die. I could feel the pain in me the way my lungs were working so hard to expel the half of breath I took." _

_BPOV_

I felt so much pain I just couldn't understand why this was happening. Part of me wanted to believe that it was a horrible dream and that I would wake up and tell Edward about it and he was laugh and say I was crazy and how he wished he could hear the crazy thoughts in my mind.

"Bella Honey are you okay?" Esme asked me I could hear the pain in her voice. I looked up to her and shook my head.

And I stood up and I walk past them towards the sliding doors that lead toward to the deck. I step out and the cold air hit me. Summers in Forks weren't as warm as they were in Phoenix.

I stepped out and seat on the deck I pulled my legs to my chest and the words that I readed appear in my mind again _"You're not good for me, Bella." _

And that was all it took the tears that had build up inside me were out and I cried it felt like I was dying but the end wouldn't come. My heart was broken but I could feel the pain it extensive with each breath. _"You're not good for me, Bella." _

**A POV**

Bella had step out to the deck and we heard her mumble '_You're not good for me.' _And then she started to cry.

"How could you Edward why would you do that to her." Rosalie snarled. She was being held onto by Emmett.

"I didn't do anything." Edward said staring at her in the eyes. And I lunged at him.

Jasper caught me and stop me and I yelled.

"You were going to, you think I didn't see what you were thinking," I snarled "That it didn't hurt me to lie or not respond every time she asked me what had you so pensive."

Before he could answer I had a vision.

'_Bella was sitting on the porch when her phone rang and then she disappeared.'_ Everything went Black.

That's when I heard it. It rang twice and she picked up

"_Hello." _Bella answer her voice devoid of any emotion.

"Bella are you ok." The caller asked he had a deep voice.

"_Yes. Um…..Who is this." _Bella asked she sounded completely at lost to who it could be.

" It Jake." At name Edward growled and the angrier and Jealousy floating off Jasper was heavy.

"_Oh hey Jake . It nice to hear from you how have you been."_ Bella asked you could tell she was a little confessed.

" Good I was calling 'cause Charlie said something about being out of town for a couple of days and I was wondering if you wanted to stay here" At that statement Edwards hands curled around the arm rest and he growled.

"_I didn't know Charlie was going to be out of town at all." _Bella stated sound even more confused.

" Yeah he said he would call you after he land ,but I offer to call."  Jake said.

"_Thanks Jake but even if my dads gone I can be at my house. I'm a big girl." _Bella said.

" I know I just didn't think you wanted to be alone. So if you need a bonk buddy I offer my services." Edward snapped the arm rest.

" _No but thanks." Bella answered_

" I forgot your boyfriend can come and keep you company." Jake stated and then asked "How are things going with him."

Bella sucked in a breath _"Fine. I …. we….. Things are fine. Look I gotta go Alice and I are watching movies that I've been dieing to see this so I'll talk to you later."_

"Bells you sure your okay….If you need anything call me…." Jake started but Bella cut him off…

"_Perfect… Bye Jake. Thank you.."_

When Bella walked back into the house she looked paler then before.

"Are you okay Bella." Rosalie asked her.

"I…. I …." Before she could finished she clasped

Edward moved to her side quickly her body had plopped to the ground.

"Carlisle what's wrong with her?" Edward asked. His voice as desperate.

"She emotionally and physically drained." Carlisle said. "She needs to rest and get her energy back.

"I'll take her to my room…" Edward started saying but Rose cut him off.

"No she needs her space and you need to think and relize that what you plan on doing is wrong," She paused and stalked forward to continue " And until you do you won't go anywhere near her."

_AUTHORS NOTE: _

_I'm back so I'll try and post on a regular base maybe once a week. But I need some help. Reviews and my what you would like to see or in this case read.. And thinks to all my reviewers…. See you soon…_


	9. Chapter 9 Preview

_AUTHORS NOTE: Thank you…..Thank you for the reviews please enjoy the preview and please read the bottom authors note and help me out…._

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THIS THE WRITER OF THIS IS STEPHENIE MEYER **_

_~Previous Chapter ~_

"_No she needs her space and you need to think and relize that what you plan on doing is wrong," She paused and stalked forward to continue " And until you do you won't go anywhere near her." _

_**PREVIEW…. **_

**APOV**

To say I was surprise of what Rose said would be an understatement of a century. Rose had never shown any interest in Bella, but apparently Edward hit home with this.

Edward stepped forward as if to attack Rosalie, but before he could do anything Emmett was in front of Rose.

"Don't even think of it Bro after what you did to my Little Sister your lucky I haven't hurt you." Emmet said and took a stand that screamed 'I dare you.'

"You Don't understand this life isn't for her." Edward said enunciating each word.

"Well, I'm telling you loud and clear. Were not leaving her this isn't about you any more its about her." And then Emmet proceed to pick Bella up and taking her to the room.

Then Edward Stormed out.

**Epov**

I had to leave they just didn't understand this life wasn't for her. I was so deep in thought that I actually didn't hear Jasper walk up behind me

"You okay brother." He asked but he was thinking '_We all really care about her and we don't want to see her hurt…or you'_

"But you have to see it that were a danger to her. That this life it isn't for her."

Jasper gave me a look then said " When you meet Bella you knew what it would mean to bring her into our world," I cut him off.

"Yes, but….." I begun to say but Jasper continued.

"You knew that it would ultimately end with you changing her. You don't have a choice in that matter. The only thing you could control would be the time."

"I wasn't ever going to let it come to that." I murmured.

"What were you going to do let her die. You were going to kill her yourself because ever moment she would have all those fears we read about and it would kill her. Eventually she would stop being your Bella."

_AUTHORS NOTE: _

_Okay so here it is but I have a huge favor to ask this chapter is a preview of what's going to happen next or if you know anyone who wants to be co writer please let me know…Not just in this story but in the others too….So in the Reviews give me an idea of which way I could go please….Thank you.. reviewers…. See you soon…_


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